Smart Women Marry for Money, and Here's Why

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Last updated on August 27, 2022 Comments: 368

Ginger is a fashionista in her late 20s — a wife and graduate student striving to have it all. She wrote this article for Consumerism Commentary, but Ginger also publishes the blog Girls Just Wanna Have Funds, and you can subscribe to the blog’s RSS feed here.

Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage. However, I am suggesting that women who marry partners that are financially savvy, motivated by money and have aligned views about their attitudes to money, are indeed smarter than their counterparts who don’t when choosing a life partner. I will detail the benefits of choosing a partner that has a solid financial plan in place and uses money as a tool and not a crutch.

Financially savvy

Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t. Why? These women know that in order to have a marriage built to last that finances play a huge role in the viability of the marriage. I know it sounds like we’re discussing a corporate merger but bear with me; after all, marriage in some respects is like a business.

1969 Inc., said it best when asked for her insights to marriage,

It’s like running a corporation. A business venture. You have to go into it knowing that it could fail or it could succeed beyond your wildest dreams and make you rich… If the employees don’t share the vision, believe in the vision and work together, the endeavor will fail. Some businesses will get rich. Some will barely make ends meet. Some will never make a dime. The money does not measure success. The sense of accomplishment will come from the daily struggle… the love of what you do, working together day in and day out.

The reality is that personal finance issues are the leading cause of divorce and in order to live happily ever after, you must be on the same page as far as your finances are concerned. No, if, ands or buts about it. Capisce?

So what makes these women smarter?

Aligned financial values

When smart women meet a partner, they aren’t wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, after all those come a dime a dozen. These women are looking at how their potential partners spend money. Does he have an emergency fund? Is he current on their monthly bills such as the car payment and rent/mortgage? Does he spend more than he earns? Does he put money aside in his savings account? They’re listening keenly to understand how their potential mates relate to money. Is it a tool? Is it a crutch? They know the difference and conduct business accordingly. Should the potential mate fall into the category of the above mentioned then it’s time to say good-bye. After all, who wants a man who isn’t interested in learning how to manage his money effectively? They are in it for the long haul, not a few cheap dates.

Motivated by money to create the life they want

Smart women are up to date on the latest issues in personal finance. They understand rate chasing, investing for the long haul and understand that while they may have substantial savings, practice and embrace frugality. They look for similar if not the same qualities in their potential mates. Smart women want to be able to relate not only on a romantic level, but also on issues regarding personal finance.

A man with a plan

Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t. Where does he see himself in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Is he thinking long or short term? That answer will determine the course of the relationship. Ideally he should be able to think past next month’s car payment and project how much he will have in his savings account by year’s end. This an expectation for smart women, not a hope or a dream, but something they demand and require in a potential mate.

Take a few minutes to let it all sink in. Gone are the days when gold diggers were secretly envied because they were able to go for the gusto and stifle high pitched screams during musty sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon. Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. They are armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it.

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Are you a smart woman?

Photo: shawnzrossi
If you liked this article, read more from Ginger at Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.

Resource: Most Inspiring Feminist Quotes For Empowering Women

Article comments

Andy says:

Wow, you are a sick human being. Don’t ever marry guys. Losing half of what you have in divorce isn’t worth it.

Poruporu says:

I rarely comment but I agree with this article although, I wish I have read it sooner.

I’m with a man 19 yrs older than me, but that is because I find him interesting and intelligent and loved him. Before any of you judge me let me be clear that I have higher education and better portfolio that him: have my own house, a sizable bank account and great job. It was a red flag to me that he was not the type of person that thinks of financial stability- he’s happy with his 401k and SS. I am not. I have ambitions. But because the world tells me to love love love and be that good girl I buried this thought deep within. When I got pregnant 2 yrs ago, he did not even bother to adjust for me. I left a lucrative job, waste my savings as I am still the one paying for my bills and mortgage while I stay at home take care of the baby. It sucks. He won’t pay for anything except for food. Won’t even get me a treat for massage or to get a haircut. I left him.

I know from the comments sections that men thinks that women are bitches that wanted to get what they worked for. But there are women who, like me, can bring more on the table and will be more than willing to share it with you if we could only have same goals.

Mouloudo says:

Well you just got the situation reversed and felt how we men feel when girls only date us for money, they dont bring anything to the table but yet we should accept it cause men are supposed to provide

Sachin says:

Ok lets think for a moment this article is true

1. Choose money over love

Ok , let’s think a man earning good (suppose 1cr per year)(non Indian ppl, convert and assume one amount yourself as per your country currency ) so she agreed due to his income , after marriage den suppose his income gets 2-3cr per year den if he starts to keep affair with another woman due to his extra income , den is it wrong?? I guess, as per this article its not wrong right , first woman married due to his 1cr income, so from his extra income if he manages extra affair , nothing wrong right ??

Kidnly , stop publishing such a bull shit articles, half of the teen gals getting spoil due to their immature mind and reading this kind of articles , income will not be constant

Julia Schulz says:

I met a man 15 years ago through work. Thought he was a really nice guy, he was so interesting to me, like a treasure chest that I wanted to unlock, open and explore all facets of his mind and character. That was until I learned that he was wealthy. Put me right off. Low and behold, despite us probably being compatible and making each other happy and being in love, there was a gold digger waiting right around the corner with blue eyes and blonde hair to drag him off up around the mountain so she could share in the money. As soon as they started dating his good character disappeared and I started from that point to find him uninteresting and even quite ugly. He married this woman and I hope that they are very happy together. Better off in this day and age just observing what people do and staying out of harms way by living by yourself and just following your own hobbies. It’s really quite a show when you’re not the one getting ripped off.

Julia Schulz says:

I’m a woman, and even I’ll agree with you. I met a wonderful man 15 years ago who I thought was a lovely person with a beautiful soul. We were compatible in every way. Until I found out that he was wealthy. Needless to say there was a stunning, blonde, blue-eyed gold digger hovering around him waiting to pounce on his investments. He let himself be manipulated by this woman, and from a distance I watched as she bit by bit destroyed his soul with her manipulative ways. It was the saddest thing to see, and I’m glad that I didn’t become personally involved with him. They are still together with three children, and good luck to them. He will wake up to her ways, if he hasn’t already and face the truth that she has nothing of value to offer him. All the good people of the world are at home with broken hearts. This is the truth. And, believe me when I say, that if I meet a man with money I run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. True relationships are based in emotional intimacy, chemistry and some physical attraction. That is also the truth. The happy medium.

Po says:

Omfg. I am so glad I found this article. Truly, that’s all I want is a guy who is ambitious like this! I always question myself, sometimes I think it’s because I was an escort which is dumb but it made me look at money in a different way and yes it gave me a taste of the good life! So what if I want that in my real life? It seems I’m surrounded by people who just don’t see that way. Honestly, it drags me down. I just wish people would encourage and just listen, my life experience may not be the same but why not work on a career? I feel disconnected….. like, omg, why not get married after to raise children, I see the hate in these comments and it’s probably what people think when I say all of this.

Mouloudo says:

Nothing wrong with wanting money, but YOUR money, not sucking on someone else’s blood like a leach.

But you were an escort, your were used to have money without effort and with your body

I'm every woman says:

Ginger is in her late twenties and naive. Still has many years ahead of her to hopefully gain some insight and wisdom as she will learn some hard lessons in life. Smart and confident women marry their equal. We know our own true worth and value.


I am a woman and I personally am disgusted that you find it okay for gold diggers to marry greedy people who are motivated by money only for the money. That takes away the intimacy and love that a relationship should stand for. People like you give women a bad name.

Lilly says:

Have you ever thought that not everybody values intimacy? Marriage for love is actually quite a new concept. People used to marry for business reasons for centuries (And in many countries they still do). I strongly believe In marrying someone who you love but this person has to have a similar lifestyle and a financial outlook as their other half. But I don’t judge people who marry for money because I understand that my needs are not everybody’s needs.
On the other hand, what do people mean by gold digger? If the person manipulates and lies to get to someone’s finances – it’s never okay and it’s kinda disgusting. But perhaps two parties agree on certain rules of the relationship and it’s not for the rest of society to judge.

Daniel says:

Never marry a woman who love money. She will be never happy and content in life. She will raise her expectations as the man work hard and earn more. She is really a devil human.

Anonymous says:

Women that marry for money are damaged goods. Washed up, Hags, brainless and useless altogether. MGTOW saves lives.

Anti-parasite says:

Great ?

James Roger says:

I am sorry!, but I dis agree!, because there are many hard working faithfull men out there!, including me!, who worked hard!, all my life to get somewhere in this life!, and needed the last piece of the puzzel, to find a faithfull good hearted warm loving woman as a wife!. I sold all my hard earned valubles to get to her!, for true love!, ended my life here!, and went to get married to her!, as she was very well off!, and under her umbrella!, temporaliry intended!, I thought that I could re establish myself there!,because I cannot sit still and not work something!. Only to find that Once married to her!, for two weeks I had to fight with her just to be able to have sex with my wife that I loved soo much!, and soo on!, as the months went on!. She totally destroyed me!, I lost my confidance and my spirit crumbled!, because I realized she was not interested in sex!, she only wanted my sperm to get her pregnant!, she did not love me from her heart!, even while having sex the extreamely few times I got a chance with my own wife!, there was no love from her side!, just the get the job finished and fill me thing!, so I can go to sleep!. I have left there since!, but very bitter!, because woman only marry for money!, or just for a spermbank supply!, and by so doing!, they destroy their own husbands and marriage!!. I was totally faithfull to her!, but I was not a wealthy person!. But when all my moneys dried up there!, that I spent everything on her happiness!, she then turned on me!. She was not even interested to try help me and sit five minutes with me everyday to learn her language in that country!. So much for Love!!, so now I am back!, but devastated and broke!, with no suppott from any family!, stranded!, God help me to start working something again!!. The moral of the story is that woman only marry for money or status or his success that she/they can flaunt around and bragg what man they have!, but at the same time refuse sex to him that he needs to survive!, and always want to run the show in the house!, wanting to wear the pants in the house!, Now that ultimately makes a man reject her because of her attitude!, and at the same time destroys his confidence!, to the point that he gets up and leaves with the last bit of dignity that he might have left in him to not do something stupid!, thankGod she did not get pregnant because I would now just have been a slave to her after my kid, and no love between us!, because she lost her respect to me!, but what she did not realise!, is that she caused the death of her own husbands heart!, by stabbing him in the heart!. So now she has no possibility of family or love or anythig!, and we are at the point of possible divorce, it is now inevitible!, all because she married me for the wrong reasons that she will not admit!, but only twist my words to throw back at me!, and drive her dagger only deeper into my heart!, to what it already is!!. She never wanted to be beautifull for me!, only for others outside!, and her profetional work environment!!. Which is totally unfair to her husband/me. Lots of woman destroy their own husbands and marriages in the same way!!, as it happened to me!, and then they cry at their later years, when they are lonely and no one notices them anymore!. But us men are the bad ones!!!. I know there are many trash men out there!, I hate them myself!. I do not defend them!!, but I was one of the good guys!, and got destroyed for being honest and truely faithfull!!, all just for vain!!!

Esther says:

So sorry for that dear,you will sure find a better wife

Fatuma says:

This made me emotional! So sorry to hear that.. May you as much time as you need to heal, you will find true happiness.

Anonymous says:

The definition of Chelsea means Loser.

Anonymous says:

Said the real loser herself.

Dunc says:

LMAO on the floor at this article. I am sure you’re with a man who thinks like you. But GOD you sound like a complete C*** to me! My family live (rent) in a bungalow in Scotland. It’s a rural community, we spend most of our time outdoors, my kids know how to manage land, hunt, farm, climb, etc. but are also well-educated courtesy of very good schooling and values instilled in them from an early age.

I read your post and it made me belly laugh. “Potential mate”. “Not afraid to flaunt it”. “Who wants a man”. Get a grip of your pathetic life and just live it.
Frankly you just sound like an a*se

Michelle says:

They say a house is made by a woman, Dont marry a man by seeing his bank balance , his house ,car, his looks etc. Marry someone with whom you think you can be happy, money comes and goes. life always has ups and downs , today a man may have money tomorrow he may not. you never know when a mans destiny changes. A good woman can bring good luck to her man. learn to face life struggles If you think by having amle f money you can enjoy life with your man you never know what happens in your life. you need to have good understanding and should adjust with the family. Men are not fools to marry women who are greedy and highly educated they just want the money and tomorrow can get divorced and ask for big alimony this is what is happening around. A bad woman can ruin a good man;s life and good woman can make a man’s life beautiful.

Craig says:

Hi Michelle I agree With you on everything you say! I am a man in my 30s

I will avoid women that are after money simple as that. All that matters to me in a relationship is getting on really well things in common and sharing life spending time together. These women going after money you won’t ever be happy! Simple as that. I don’t go for supermodel or barbie doll looking women I prefer someone much more natural! But I don’t look to get women into bed either and sex is not the be all and end all either in a relationship too much is made about that also

I don’t do one night stands or anything meaningless it’s just very hard for a good man like me to meet women! I refuse to use dating apps or sites that are a waste of time I would advise all the good men to stay off them and meet women in person! Dating sites have added to this problem as well as social media! Social media has caused this issue of women after men with money!

I am very loyal and faithful and I only want one woman in my life that’s it one relationship one woman for life that’s it! But I

have never been looking to use women for sex Nor is sex the reason for a relationship! But yes I won’t be used for money or have a relationship that goes on money!

Mel says:

I wish u were mine

Lola says:

That is so stupid. If love was all it takes to make a marriage work divorce rates wouldn’t be so high.

Esther says:

You’re right

Letty says:

Thanks for that because for some reason I had started questioning my own intelligence as a woman because of this article

Anonymous says:

Who said women that only marry for money are smart? They are total very pathetic low life losers that need to get off their Butts and get a real job.

Jess says:

Read the first 2 sentences of the article again…slowly

“Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage. However, I am suggesting that women who marry partners that are financially savvy, motivated by money and have aligned views about their attitudes to money, are indeed smarter than their counterparts who don’t when choosing a life partner.”

Anonymous With The Truth says:

To Amonymously yours, Most of these women nowadays are only interested in money. And they’re real low life loser Gold Diggers to begin with.

Pearl says:

Dear fellow lady or woman. When would money ever be enough do you think if we marry a man who has money then we will be successful in our relationship? Don’t you know we are humans, we die ,we go to jail,like I had a boyfriend who was a banker just when I thought I had everything and was doing fine. He got dismissed from job not only that but also had a case that demanded him to pay 800 million Tanzanian shillings .He was posted everywhere and could not get job because of that ,till now . For 7good years. Then can we still be with these men who were once stable and now they have nothing. Then you should also write article on how to jump to next wealthy man’s bed and marry..please the world is in your hands I wonder what you will teach your children why are we polluting this world

Joseph Kirn says:

I totally agree

Bullocks says:

Smart men take care of all their assets and don’t give anything away to women. They will stab you in the back with the first occasion and try to rob you off your assets. Why men should even get married in the first place in this day and age? It’s not worth it.

disgusted says:

Glad I called off the engagement, after reading this I’ve decided to just stay single. Makes me vomit a little just reading these.

Wow, just wow.

Mosguystoday says:

Smart men avoid women. In fact I would say that among my friends the only ones who do date are the broke ones. Men with money stay single or only date women who make more than you do.

Rachel says:

Before anyone says anything I am quite happy with alternating and paying for what I can afford. I hate the idea of the man paying for everything too much of a power dynamic towards the man and he also ends up feeling used. I’d love to have a man who earnt a reasonable amount, I wouldn’t like a rich man (we’d be too different values wise and politically) and yes I have had a man offer to pay for everything (very rarely) but I didn’t take it up as I just didn’t fancy him. I am writing to make the point that someone with money marries someone with money its not necessarily about smarts it about luck and family background. Smart women don’t marry well off men, privileged women marry well off men. Also as an aside to some of the people who’ve comment women are very much judged for their salaries and their savings. I and I am sure other women aren’t necessarily after wealthy men but men who’d be able to help us bring up a family so its not a struggle.

Rachel says:

Only women who can afford to marry wealthy men. As a woman who doesn’t earn much I can’t marry someone who is an earner, I simply can’t keep up with wealthy men, I’d bankrupt myself dating one. I have a good education but because of my anxiety I could never pass interview thus I am stuck with trying to make my own money and temp. I find when dating men who are responsible with money are automatically suspicious of me and as a general rule don’t want to date me, that or that want to split around the 2nd/3rd date and I can’t keep up with them. I might be a smart women but I’ll stick to dating men more at my income level as that’s the smarter thing to do rather than risk being broke as I can’t spend as much as my date.

Personal experience says:

In my personal experience having a partner who’s financially responsible is better than someone who makes a lot. My first wife worked but blew through all of our money every month even when I’d make a budget, continually talk to her about our fiances, made financial spreadsheets and tried hardest to keep things afloat. Together we made decent money but the financial responsibility was not there. Fast forward to my current wife who is going back to college and doesn’t bring in an income and we have a savings account we don’t dip into that’s growing every month. We always have money in the bank. I don’t make a lot it’s just how you manage your money as a couple and if you’re both on the same page I think looking for a partner regardless of gender you should look at their spending habits and how they manage money. That’s just my personal experience

Beatrice says:

Interesting read. As a financially independent woman (early 40’s), I will be honest and say I highly consider it only because it’s just easier if we each have our own assets. If we were to marry, I’d want to walk away with my home, etc and vice versa (no kids, thanks!). In my younger days, I fell madly in love with someone, I wouldn’t say rich by any means (he even had kids!), who only went overseas for work and brought home a wife from another country. Go figure.

George says:

Any smart man with or without money would never marry if he’s smart, period. The benefits of marriage does not benefit men. It’s only beneficial to gold digging women that will divorce and destroy men. Marriage to men is a funeral with a cake, JUST DON’T DO IT! Don’t even date women. Sincerely a solid 33 year MGTOW Monk.

redpillnla says:


mosmenthesedays says:

Double Amen!

I’d rather get unneeded dentistry then date the modern American hypergamist.

Unless she makes more money than you avoid her, if she does, still avoid her.

mostmenthesedays says:

Double Amen!

PeiAudiophile says:


This is what I am experiencing now! Now I’ve learned a lesson.

Marlena says:

Myyyy goodness. It’s quite alarming how many men on here have such a nasty & harsh, inaccurate opinion of women. First of all, most women are absolutely not gold diggers.
The majority of women are just happy to meet a decent guy, with good manners, who respects them and is man enough to hold down a job consistently and be a decent provider. Mind you, this doesn’t mean that she won’t contribute because lots of times women also put their money towards family necessities. (And it’s common for women to be stuck with most the housework so this can equal things out if she isn’t always earning as much as the male).
If you’re dating selfish, narcissistic, gold digging women, then you’re simply dating the wrong women. There are lots of decent gals out there who just want a good guy and are not after his wallet, but at the same time, it isn’t healthy for any relationship for the man or the woman not to be fiscally responsible and know how to properly regard money. (Unfortunately this is one aspect that’s highly neglected in the upbringing of many children and really it should even be taught early in school as well), because often many people just have no concept of fiscal responsibility until they’ve made a mess of their finances due to poor spending habits, lack of financial smarts…
Being money dumb is a huge problem in marriages because of the high stress is causes. People rush into relationships without wisely considering how they will regard money together.

Brenda says:

Amen ! Its hard to meet good guys now a days !

Mr Lukewarm says:


Peter Knelson says:

Women love money because it makes them feel secure but they are misguided and have not put their trust in God to take care of them and to keep them happy and content. Women think that men where put on this earth to make them happy but that is not our responsibility, we are here to love them and serve them but we are not here to fill their souls,only God can do that just as it is for men. God is our everything.

Katana says:

So true

james says:

Nice projection.

Annmarie says:

I just ended a brief relationship over this. Financial irresponsibility is a deal breaker. Love is not enough. A man (and a woman) with a plan is a must. A man with a plan is serious about a future for himself and partner. Bottom line- If he doesn’t take his future seriously, why would I take our future seriously? Yes, life is short. Enjoy today while planning for tomorrow. No one wants a liability as a partner or spouse. You grow together emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

Jason says:

To a man, you do realize that what you are saying is “I’m marrying you because of what you have, not who you are”, right? You do realize that a man who thinks this also thinks that if the strength of your loyalty is contingent upon money, then your loyalty is as true as your ability or inability to find someone with more money. This causes any man to instantly rule out any plans of a future with you and opt for having you solely as a sex partner, if he’s even that immature. The idea that a man who isn’t a worshipper at the altar of money, doesn’t take his future “seriously” is ludicrous. Some men believe there is more to life than paper…god forbid a man think such a thing. Past having your immediate needs met and not being in jeopardy of homelessness, what else could you possibly desire that you would trade for your precious time and effort? A shiny piece of metal with four wheels that moves fast but only gets you from point a to point b just as a Honda Civic does? What’s the difference between the two? Paying 100,000 dollars more to get you the same exact result? Sounds foolish to me. Becoming the envy of everyone around you that you don’t care about, only to find that they don’t care about you either? To each his own, but as a valuable man, any interest, even physical, goes completely out of the window when I find out a woman is after money. She can chase the wind with the next sucker who wrongfully considers her a “catch” for all I care. If “love” isn’t enough, you should feel comfortable telling that to your family? Love is enough for them, correct? So why isn’t it enough for a man? Because you don’t “love” him, which is why “love” “isn’t enough”. He’s a tool for you to get what you can’t otherwise get yourself – if you were to be truthful.

Chong Li Yang says:

so your basically saying gold digger?please correct me if i am wrong.

Paul McDonagh says:

I would love to understand at a deeper level what most women’s perceptions of men are when it comes to money. To illustrate my point here are two real-life examples of two different men. If women replying to this comment would like to tell me if they are more attracted to Man A or Man B that would be great. A genuine and honest reply would be appreciated. Man A chose to pay his mortgage off when he was just 40 years old and has no debt and then chose to save up to buy a second home so he could rent out his flat and get a rental income of £350 per month. Man A also has a modest amount of money invested in the stock market and in a collection of high-quality single malt whisky which he is planning to sell to fund his travels around the world. Man A is also going to be completely financially free when he is just 50 years old which means he will not need to work if he doesn’t want to. Man A can achieve all this if he sticks to his current plans. Unfortunately, despite the financial security Man A offers, Man A doesn’t earn much more than someone working full-time on the Minimum Wage which in the UK is around £12000 after tax and National Insurance. Man B on the other hand earns more than twice what Man A earns and comes out with £25000 a year. Unfortunately, Man B will still be making mortgage payments every month for the next 15 years and has also set a direct debit up to pay off credit card debt which will probably be cleared off in two years. Given that Man A works a low status job and earns half of what Man B earns who has a high-status job and Man B has greater potential earning power than Man A which of the two men is more attractive to a woman? Is it the man with the higher status job but poor money managing skills or the lower status man that can provide financial security and some fun trips abroad that’s more attractive?

Sarah Williams says:

I will certainly go for Man A, who is earning lower but is got real plans that are working as the day goes on.

geoffrey kasyula says:

My friend this trait your hasband has is clinically diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) such people never change and the only way to redeem yourself from their toxic pattern is to go “NO CONTACT” these people are demons and I hope you have already figured this out.


I was a financially stable Stallion until I met her! Then I whither down to an “Ugly Old Poor Man!”. Not that old!

Annon says:

A smart woman works for what she wants but if the man has no vision or goal then what?? It’s a waste of time. Hard working women like myself wants a man who can provide for his family. They’re gold diggers out there who makes bad for the good ones after. I dated a guy for 5 years who’s a mommy’s boy, at first I was like okay he’s caring and loving. The downside is that he depended on his 65y/o mom for everything and liked to talk so much about what he wants to do like opening his own cleaning company then that he wants to have his own masonry company but yet he never got up and did any of it, always dependant on his mom. I researched way for him to do what he said he wants to and even offer to pay for his courses. I told him I don’t want is to be like your parents, dad was a gambler, alcoholic and barely worked and when he did he couldn’t keep a job for too long. I helped him look for a stable secured job but he wouldn’t stop bitching about everything and never last more than 3 months at a job. He stays at his mom playing video games and getting high and he’s 36 y/o and I’m 29. He talk about having a family and kids but I don’t want to cause I know I will be the bread winner, mother and house wife just like his mom and I don’t want that. I want to have my job, be a wife and mother while my man works as well and is a good husband and father. I told him if I end up pregnant I need you to assure me you’ve got us. Does that make me a gold digger or selfish?

Anonymous says:

I am 22F and a little less than two years ago, broke up with my boyfriend (mutually) after 3 years of doldrum. For reference, we were together when I was 18-21, and him 20-23 y/o. We are much younger, relative to your situation, but it is very similar. All he did (and still does) is play video games at his parent’s house. He never made any moves to attend college classes until I pushed him. He finally got his associates this past year, while we were broken up. I’ve since moved on and transferred to a great university to study art (my plan all along). It wasn’t working with us before–he would not move out of his parent’s. He bounced between working as valet at a Lexus dealership, then he was a technician at a scale calibration company, did some Amazon warehouse fulfillment, and later I heard he got a job at a Nike store (that he’s since quit). I am now dating a guy who I met a few months after my previous break-up. This new guy is 27 y/o (so we have a 5 year difference), he went to the same uni but graduated years before me. He makes 160k/yr as a software engineer, has a 2 Br apartment in the city. I wonder the same thing, if I’m a gold digger/selfish. I am trying to preserve my own vision of my life and dreams, and don’t want to stick around for a lazy man. But I feel I’m compromising on love… in favor of financial stability & support.

Precious says:

Nope in a relationship you need someone you can count on. And now this man don’t know how to keep his Job just like his father. How do you expect a man that rely so much on his much on his mum to have your back when you become pregnant with his child eventually. If he is not responding now that you are not pregnant I don’t think that will change when you are pregnant. Unless he get to realize him much later by knowing that he is a father now and has to up his game but for now.. He is not someone you can give your 100% percent to have your back during this time..And you are not a gold digger!!! You Just want to have a good future for yourself…

IMightBeHer says:

Annon, why are you speaking as if you have no control over your life. “End up pregnant”? Baby-trapping him won’t change him. You’ll just be taking care of 2 babies instead of one. If you aren’t going to use your head and leave, at least use a condom while you stay.

Lord Blade says:

No u are not a gold digger .. u are an alpha female .. a woman of value that Independent Men like us are finding out there .. u are the kind of woman I want .. a working class woman .. who will support the family in her own little way but I am fr man and provider of the family , that’s is stamped .. but you as a woman are also a support to the family in whatever little way u can imagine .. that’s what we Men need just little support from women . So u are not just reduced to a sex object but rather valued as a supporting partner .

Anonyomous says:

It doesn’t matter the wealth of the husband, the woman is usually stuck with doing the majority of the housework and child care. So the other side of the story is men who don’t make enough money to support a family wanting a woman with a career and still expecting her to do all the childcare/housework. So given that choice, ever wonder why a woman would choose wealthy men?

J-Rock says:

I agree. Now there are good woman out there you just have to keep putting yourself out there. I wear my heart on my sleeve, that’s the way I find love. Remember gentlemen it’s a numbers game. That means dating multiple woman at a time.

Ted says:

You nailed it.

James says:

I had a girlfriend who wanted to marry me. She brought a ton of debt, a long list of past lovers, a terrible work history, and no wealth or education. She loved going to bars and drinking and had no future prospects. In her own words she said she wants a big house, nice family, to be famous, and a lot of pets. Nothing wrong with her wants but I left her because she wanted all those things yet she expected them to be handed to her. The running joke after I left her was I want to be a billionaire but I’m not going to work and just expect all this money to clock me in the head one day. Be a woman of respect, hardwork, education, and morals… That’s what men want.

Anon...Single says:

Well said

James says:

Loyal women like you, a smart man realizes has the highest value. An even smarter man will do everything he can to keep a woman like you. It’s the low value men and fools who like the crappy women.

JW says:

Funny how most women in the past weren’t like today at all since they hardly had money in those days to begin with, and were struggling just to make ends meat like most men did in those days. And most women were very faithful as well, and accepted their men for who they were in those days. Today unfortunately, most women are low life losers, and the biggest cheaters of them all since the great majority of these very pathetic women will only marry for money. It is a real shame how women have changed for the worst of all these days, now that their greed and selfishness is everywhere today. And lets not forget how very money hungry women are these days as well, which most of these women are real gold diggers too. Very easy finding real love back then for men, which unfortunately today it is very difficult to find a real good woman for many of us single men now.

geoffrey kasyula says:

This is very true nowadays. Most young women are spoilt. Have no moral values and have no sense of religion. Such women are extremely dangerous and are mentally sick ( narcissists) . they are real demons…

I Agree says:

You said it.

Vishal says:

“SMART WOMEN” also make their own money. and spend their own money.

Gemma says:

I married for money, thinking I could change his rigid attitude. In your 20’s you might believe that. But it turned out that he is an aspie, didn’t relate to people , hated conversation, very rigid, but dumb me 26 thought I could change him. You can’t change anyone, it’s an immature 20 year old thought. He was an unsupportive non team player. Because of his autistic troubles, he caused my 2 boys to be ADHD. He couldn’t ever see the forest for the trees, kinda like my mom. She scapegoated me, and my dad was killed when I was 7, he was my healthy parent. So I’d say try to get away from someone who seems so upper crust sophisticated, but is really from a family of autism. I didn’t realize his dad was autistic, he was so seemingly charming, but bullied his wife.
So many red flags. You should say I’m stepping back and taking a break for awhile from you!
Think about it, it’s the rest of your life. It’s been hell, and he will never admit how uncompromising and plain mean he was. Called me a nag b/c he would not discipline his poor little Tigers, yet ignored all my positive parenting skills and plans. But the poor boys were into it, they wanted structure. You only get one shot to raise kids, their brains develop and form young. So if you’re not on the same page, try to get away. It would’ve been so hard to raise 2 ADHD boys alone. But he wasn’t normal or really helping.
In fact get away before having kids. I knew something was wrong with him. Just get away if it makes you feel like you’re not really alive. Because you are not.

Nobuhle says:

Hayibo no-one chooses to have autism

mk says:

An ‘aspie’? Ugly term. You married for money – you lied to this man, who thought you loved him, then when he did not conform to your liking (which would not be an issue if you had married for…LOVE) you clear out, and regret having kids, who were born to a mother who married for pure greed. Don’t blame your husband – you used him, defrauded him, all to get his money from him through a legitimate grift called marriage. Don’t blame your ‘aspie’ husband for your greed driven plans not turning out the way you wanted. And do those kids a favor – send them to live with dad. Or put them up for adoption. A gold digger calls the man she scammed mean. WOW. BTW boys don’t want ‘structure’. They want to be left alone to be boys.

Nick says:

Strongly disagree with the views presented here.
IF marriage is a business deal, it’s a terrible deal coz in most cases, a man’s money is an appreciating asset but a womens beauty, youth and appeal is a depreciating asset in every case.
Hence, any businessman wouldn’t marry a woman who’s looking for a good deal.
I met my wife when I was just out of hard drugs, no job, clinically depressed and was broke. We hit it off on the very first day that we met through a dating site and we’ve been living together 24/7 ever since. She used to work from home and make around a million dollars (I found this out much later) And all I did was smoke weed all day. Everyday. For 14 months. I did not earn a single dollar..I was too depressed and lacked any motivation after 17 years of drug abuse. I’m a pretty good looking guy but shes even better. She could easily get a smarter/ fitter/ richer guy. Going by this article she was the dumbest girl ever for wasting her time and money on a pothead rather than searching for a billionaire.
Fast forward….
I own two billion dollar internet companies now and well by the time you read this comment, I’ll probably have made just as much as most people make in a month.

P.s : Fall in love with the character of a man.
And don’t be so poor that all you have is money.

jim says:

I call hog wash……what is the name of your company. There are only 60 internet companies worth 2 billion or more, and I doubt the CEO of said company would be here……

Max says:

Wow…. Nice comment, fall in love with the character… I love that..

Mie says:

I agree with you,but in my case I am a very down to earth a simple woman in my early 50s I gave all my heart to my ex boyfriend he don’t have much money he’s still paying his house and car..but he dumped me because he loved this Ukrainian woman in the dating site which is very attractive and only god knows if she is genuine or a scammer

Mike Bolton says:

Ive given up on dating. Im decent looking, in shape, own my own business, home, vehicles, no debt.
Ive found women in the Seattle region too be pure trash. They all seem to be on some type of psycho meds, everyone of them has had MULTIPLE ABORTIONS, and apparently, what Im finding is that any woman in her 40’s and is single… most likely liked hip hop in the 90’s and was nothing but a scumbag slut, who got passed around town, and NOW THAT THEYVE GONE TO REHAB…”DESERVE A GOOD MAN!” WTAF? Women now are just large screaming demanding children. I have better things to do with my time than to try to entertain some shithead who is constantly bored. Heres a tip ladies… chances are, if your bored all the time… your really shallow and stupid.

Freck says:

It is definitivt the same case with men. People seem generally less authentic these days.

Suesee says:

Mr anonymous seems to think if you prefer a man who has some success, at the very least more than a beater and a cabin in the woods she’s a shallow bitch. Get real, you mean you don’t have some standards also. Would you like to move into her tent? Thought not

rita says:

Ever since my husband left me my love life was in a mess. And i always through and wish we were together and that he would come back to my life and our love could stay endless. I wanted to fight this war of love without weapons, but then i realize that he has fully made up his mind against me. He no longer call nor text me, i stay up through the whole night all alone without him to talk with. I was ready to walk through hell to save and restore peace back to my marriage.

Davori says:

You sound toxic and very shallow – all expectations are met on one side otherwise bye bye?Once the looks fail (40) you gonna be one miserable lass.

Morforme says:


Morforus says:

You’re my kind of a woman!

make your duck big beaked florida says:

Touche. Solid arguments. Keep up the great effort.|

Mike says:

Hi I’ve been in a relationship for about
Fifteen years now to an incredible
Woman , when I met her she was more
With it financialy , but unlike most
Women she let her heart do the leading. Well long story short I came
Into my own. Now I make good money
Own my own house as well as three
Cars between the two of us. We have
Two kids and we couldn’t be happier.

Nick says:

Mike, you very much lucked out on finding a good one, because most of the women out there nowadays are down right evil and very horrible altogether thanks to Feminism.

PrinceH says:

Wow bro. Hope you meet the woman who truly love you. She’s out there. Don’t give up till you’re in grave.

PrinceH says:

Wow your comment is so educational. Thank you.
When a girl said no because I were just a normal worker. That made me kind of hate myself and I wondered why I couldn’t make more money to impress her.

PrinceH says:

Wow. Why couldn’t she go through hardships with me to have anything we want? She just judged me right away how successful I was and rejected me.

Anonymous says:

I am a widow in my mid 50’s. I would love to date again, but I am so afraid. My wonderful husband died several years ago after a long illness. The first thing a man asks me is whether I own my own home. Yes I do. Do I work? Yes I do. How much do you make? That’s a little personal so I avoid it with “enough”. My failure to answer has gotten me called a bitch, walked out during dinner, one never returned from using the restroom. I am not looking for someone to pay my way, I am looking for a friend, someone to talk to, someone to laugh with. I am far from wealthy, but I can more than support myself. I do not live beyond my means, so far from beautiful or even pretty it isn’t even funny, I wear work shirts, jeans and work boots to work and have a pound of keys hanging off my hip. Because of my job, I hear all sorts of comments regarding my looks, but I don’t always dress like I am at work and honestly in the summer prefer dresses outside of work. I have an old pick up truck I use for work, and a new car I use for other things. I live a modest life style, live within my means, and do enjoy enjoy an occasional vacation. Why am I “undatable” because I am not a fancy dresser, pouffy haired, and weigh 100 lbs?

Chris Garcia says:

You’re my kind of a woman!

Alex says:

Wish u all the best dear

jf says:

Sound datable to me. But I have no friends, and when that becomes clear, and it soon does, I guess I get written off as being unable to socialize or something. No hard feelings. But life sucks.

Anonymous says:

Women that only marry for money are very toxic altogether, and total low life losers as well.

Delirex says:

This is true. A girl wants to know you overall. If you are not making money there are reasons why you are not. Not making money is an indicator that you are not responsible and you aren’t disciplined. That takes a huge role in life. We live in an economic world. Plus if girls know how to play the game, they will be an obedient girl or the girl that you desire because they know how to play the game.

A "Gold Digger" says:

I love all the salty broke betas in the comment section! ?? Stay mad broke boys!

Luxe Lady says:

Me too. Reading these hurt, broke boy comments has made my day! For the vast majority of men on this thread, please realize that YOU and NOT the TARGET lol.

Le Kawaii says:

It’s sad that you dont realise its women that think this way who inspire “broke boy”s to not only succeed in life but to indentify a heartless leech of a human. They’s nothing quiet like a person who’s out to prove a point just to vaunt it over others.

Morforus says:

Interesting Concept?

Sebastian Vanderwolf says:

Truthfully spoken.

Bongstar420 says:

You need them to be hungry to like hou ?

It Is Fact says:

Women that only marry for money are a real filthy disease altogether. Case closed.

Goldielocks says:

Wholly …. Dude! You will honestly never have the opportunity to have a marriage—even to another man after that tangent! LMBO ?

And That Is The Real Truth says:

Women that marry for money to begin with are certainly real total losers, useless, brainless, clueless, and just down right very horrible altogether. Then again, they will just grow very old all alone with a bunch of cats when their time comes. Have a lot of fun with your cats ladies.

****** says:

Your such a joke, you can cover make claims that you believe in love and that finding a partner with money is for the greater good. Reality is you’re obviously self centered and trying to inspire other girls to pass on guys that have potential to succeed and are just not there yet. I love how women like you would rather find someone that’s already at the top instead of working your ass off with said person in order to be successful together. Most women (most likely including you) are just along for the ride. If women want a rich man, then they better have a pretty amazing career themselves. It’s not one sided. Your article is the epitome of what is wrong with women in America.

Davori says:

Not just America but all over the world. Well said and absolutely true. Nobody wants to work on things and grow together, they want the top only even if they themselves are nothing special.

Sebastian Vanderwolf says:

Spoken like a real boss!

Sam Snyder says:

Wow! I understand your point of view.
Well stated.

Anonymous says:

Gold Diggers always marry for money, especially since they sleep around all the time.

Anonymous says:

Some woman marry for money. Some do not because they’re already financially self-sufficient and a husband would just complement her. This is why gender equality can be frustrating. It boils down to the individual.

Kevin says:

I don’t mind if the woman marries a man for financial reasons under the exception that she is also financially established like the partner she marries. If you deserve a man like that, you better be in his league. If women want equality, then this is a fair statement.

Raavi says:

Why “SMART” women dont want financial security on their own ???
A question that need attention when we give so popular speeches on feminism and patriarchy …. I think women with no financial plans of their own can be smart ….. Men can even have the equal choice of being a househusband nd planning their future in the same way as these SMART Women want …. I think society and we as wOmen need to realise the saMe soon to actually get over this PATRIARCHY …

Zak says:

I came across this article after overhearing my wife say to girlfriends that if she had to remarry, she would exclusively do it for big money. I was amused by this as I currently make 180k a year, a decent but not rich income and have co-supported my family for 14 years. She makes 80k. I listened to her discuss how hard it was to live on only 260k a year (her income included) and how she would advise our daughter to marry rich so she wouldn’t have the same struggles she has had. I must admit, overhearing this conversion has left a bitter taste in my mouth. I have been a great father and husband. I have been there raising our kids every step of the way. I have put effort into the marriage and into being a good faithful husband and father. But, maybe all that doesn’t seem to matter because I don’t make big rich money. I don’t have much more to say here but it makes me think that maybe I am naive and many women think this way too and are too ashamed to admit it. So is my wife’s thinking in the majority?

Mary says:

Goes to show you how ungrateful women can be right? In the age where, especially in America, where women can be business leaders, professors, lawyers and you name it, seems as though clinging to Male provision in marriage is still prevalent and acknowledged. I have a lady friend of mine who cries day in day out on how she NEEDS a husband. But here’s the catch, to pay for bills she says. That life is hard difficult without a man. She needs a man to help support her or rather she puts it as “support each other.” Ha! I say to myself she can pick shifts and work doubles and be her own dependent person but she’s clinging onto this, “financial husband.” It really is such a shame.

Anonymous says:

She makes good money in my opinion so I would not say she’s greedy or materialistic in any way. You make a fantastic living. I think the reason why she said that was because she’d either want to remarry someone who made as much as you do or someone who made more. Those are her two options because obviously she would not want someone who made less than 180k. Now if she only had a high school diploma, made less than 30k a year, and had no aspirations in life but wants a man who made “big money” then I would say she’s a straight up freeloader. I’m almost 30 and I make 37k a year. That’s not impressive at all, but I invest in real estate. One day I hope to be a millionaire and when I do, no woman will take advantage of my money. Prenuptial all the way.

EJR says:

Yes of course. The side of women which men are forbidden to discuss is their Jealousy and Materialistic nature. It can destroy families and Nations history has proven it as fact. Mothers hate daughter in laws. Sisters hate each and over who has the wealthy husband.
[ See kobe and joe Bryant’s situation. Its because of their wives and sisters. Jealously and materialism. Kobe and his Dad were helpless to stop the family feud. The risk of being a traitor who will be destroyed by his wife. ] It’s the ugly unforgiving side of women.
Women need to fix it. Because fathers, sons and brothers are not allowed!

Sam Snyder says:

I would be disappointed in my gender if they all felt the way your wife does.
I know they do not. You are an awesome provider, and probably just want your wife to be happy… have you had a heart-to-heart talk with your wife. Communication is vital for a relationships survival. Good luck.
Just a suggestion: Both of you would probably benefit from Gary Chapman’s book called “The 5 Love Languages.”
Good Luck! A normal woman would feel like she won the lottery having you as their partner.

EnglishRose says:

I’m so sorry you heard that. That must have been really painful.

Given that you overheard and wasn’t actually involved in the conversation. I think it would be wise to speak with your wife, let her know that you overheard and how it made you feel. And ask her to honestly explain her perspective. As this could effectively change the trajectory of your whole life from this point onward without adequate repair.

As for the rest, to be perfectly honest…I think this is very much an American thing. I’m English and the women from my country, in general, are loyal to a fault, we marry for love and we often don’t do well because of it. Most men in the cities cheat, a lot are abusive and/or controlling and sometimes women get fed up and stop dating altogether.

Our culture is a culture of family values, service and courtship. Love is entrenched into our lives. We are raised to settle down and have families. Money is never discussed. It’s taboo to do so. However, woman have a lot less opportunities and the pay gap is large in the UK. Men are expected to pay for dates and support their families. But it’s rare for them to be exploited because of it. I think the opposite is true in the US. This could largely be because of how differently our countries operate. In the UK we have free Healthcare and free Education. In the US the pressure is on and I do find your culture HAS to, out of necessity, focus on income.

I was in a relationship with my father’s daughter for 5 years and I supported my family for years by myself. And that was because he just didn’t want to work. It’s not the same everywhere.

As for the men taking the money thing personally. Gone are the days where you had to be big and strong and the woman had to be fertile. Now the new paradigm is who can provide the best resources for their young and who will produce the most attractive young. Just how it is. Do I agree with it? No. But is it the way most people are. Yes. Some people can transcend the primitive but most can’t.

It’s lonely at the top. Busy at the bottom.

Grant says:

When I wake up next to my partner, it is being greeted by her individual, unique traits that I have become familiar with and attached to that makes me feel happy. Not her net worth. When she is away visiting family and I wake up alone, it’s not her “value” that I miss.
Because of that, she can rest assured that most matter what happens to her, I’ll be there right beside her. If she gets sick or injured and can no longer work, I’ll do everything I can to look after her; sell our house, change my job, it doesn’t matter because I want to continue having her familiarity within the experience of my life. I would love having her in my life each and every day.
With somebody like you, she would never have any such reliable commitment or guaranteed lifelong devoted appreciation. Well, both she and I would rather be single than be with somebody who chooses who to “love” based on a cost vs benefit analysis.
I wouldn’t call you a gold digger, I would call you a fair weather friend. I pitty any man or woman who comes to learn that they have married that sort of a person.

Lynda says:

My God, finally a person who restores my faith in humanity. My heart loves a person, not a bank account.

Ben says:

This sounds like a plan for a woman that didn’t do much planning when she was younger. Sure, I get it, you have fun through highschool and don’t want to ‘settle down’ yet, then there’s college, but wait, you don’t want to ‘settle down’ yet because you’re just starting your career. Then you’re mid to late 20’s, even early 30’s and a lot more discerning about the men you choose because maybe the “career” wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and you’re thinking of having a kid/family.. or maybe the career never happened and it was just the dance club until 30 and now all of a sudden “OMG!”
Now you have some SERIOUS catching up to do.

Your girlfriends that picked in highschool have had a house for 5-10 years and looking to perhaps sell that one and get a better one. Not you. Now you have to ‘get serious’ but what’s so gross about this is you’re looking for the guy that did all the things that YOU didn’t. Red Pill men see this ALL the time and we’re sick of it because there were no shortcuts for us. We worked HARD while you were on cruise control. And now you’re looking through the men still believing you deserve a TOP man. I’m not gonna lie, there’s a lot of junk out there on the men side too. This is why you’ve become so discerning. You can’t waste any “more” time on the goof balls that made you hot. Now you’re a predatory female looking for meat in terms of money and security instead of that other kind.

Let’s make no mistake, you ARE being discriminated against, just as you are trying to be discriminatory. I’m not using this term the way SJW’s use it. It basically means picky. And no one that’s worked really hard to get where they are likes anyone that thinks they can just skate on in. That’s the entitlement that feminism gave you. And men are catching on. The only reason you think you can still browse for the best man is because there are a lot of blue pilled thirsty men out there. Men that were ignored for a very long time are thirsty. And that’s how you get them. You prey on the weak and needy.

Where is the talk about having your finances in order? Well, it’s missing because you don’t have them in order. But he better, right?

This is the last generation of women that are going to be able to grab onto the caboose as the train leaves the station. It shouldn’t be happening but it does because of 4 generations of men raise by women. But the internet is spreading the truth about predatory females. Sure, we want your body, but you want everything else. Now, single at 44, oh boy… I see the hunger you girls used to see in us. I see the anxiety. I see the women lining up for anti depressants and jumping on Disability for ‘anxiety’. Your fear is rational. But it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. You had it all and squandered it. Now, if a women even ticks slightly when I say I’m getting beer, she’s GONE. I will never marry. I will never co-habitate and if I did, she will be on NO PAPERWORK. And oh boy is she gonna clean. It’s all she’s qualified for after all.

Lil nice says:

Anger anger anger who done u wrong?

Janey says:

Ha ha ha. Absolutely loved this post. Accurate to the letter. At least there are sensible men out there who protect their assets and don’t stand for selfish, manipulative women. It amazes me that this type of woman does not even have to be particularly attractive. They just push on into the relationship with intense vigour, ruthlessness and ambition to achieve the selfish ‘lifestyle’ of a complete tart. In my opinion, they have something mentally wrong with them. Enough said, and thanks for making me laugh and have faith in men who don’t take any shit.

Bill says:

Red flags all over this article:
“They are armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it.” (flaunt it? I have plenty of money, and certainly, it’s not because I choose to ‘flaunt it’.
“Ginger is a fashionista in her late 20s — a wife and graduate student striving to have it all”. (The last thing I want is a woman who has to have it all. I can’t think of a better way to go broke.
“motivated by money” (A great way to fail, if you’re priority is being motivated by money, rather than providing value. Provide value and the money will come.

Christina Hutto says:

I just started talking to a guy. I’ve never met him. I live on disability and he’s working and travels a lot. Out of the blue and the 2nd day of talking he asked how much did I have in my “fun money” account….I was stunned. …it’s all I can do to live. He is the one who sought me out through friends on fb.I have been out of the dating scene for quite awhile 8 yrs.I’m 54 he’s 57….. Am I the only one that this question would have stunned? Thank you

Katie says:

Yikes! This sends a terrible message to women. Make you own money be free and autonomous. Now, that is a better message. This article has sexism written all over it, yet it seems to be written by a woman? I guess women can be sexist too. Do not depend on anyone for your life or finances, ever. Do not listen to this garbage ladies.

Sunday says:

Agree! Horrible message.

Peter says:

It is a terrible message to women indeed. As a man who has seen women fight for equality, I notice some women don’t care and would want to be treated like queens at the end of the day, whether they make more or less than a man. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a gender problem, it’s a human problem. It always has. We have people who don’t want to work hard and others that do. Plain and simple.

Brad says:

Yeah ok. I had no job when I met my wife. She took me in gave me a roof over my head. There was no work at all. We had a baby lived off social assistance for a year. Took what jobs I could find. We did this for 2 years. She stuck by me the whole time. Yeah it wasn’t easy. But our love prevailed. She had faith in me the whole time. Now I make 130k a year support my wife and our two kids. If she was in it for money she would have left me long ago. Don’t marry a man for money marry him for what he truly is.

James says:


Hope sweet love stories like yours happens again in society, nothing but huge diggers and narcicistic females

BrokenHeart says:

Well.. my wife did not marry me for money. I migrated to a new country with just a suitcase full of clothes. I met her in my first job and we fall in love. We got married after 1 year and had a child after 3 years. We worked hard and we did well. We bought a big luxurious house, we both have great jobs with good income, we have lot of “things” and we don’t miss anything in terms of comfort… but.. she asked for her space and to separate 3 months ago because she is not in love with me anymore. Then she started an affair with her very rich boss in front of my eyes and shortly after she asked for divorce. We are going to sell our house next summer.
She has become very spiritual during the last year, visiting mediums and tarot card readers and has been asking a lot about her next big love in life etc. Meanwhile I discovered one of her notes in which she is praying to the universe to bring her a rich, elegant, charming handsome man that has lots of money , luxurious apartments, a big yacht etc.
And I just don’t get it. Did she lost her mind? I do not recognize this person anymore.

odenyi emmanuel chidera says:

Tank u Rosie.U know what it means to love and to steal.Thanks once more

Rosie J says:

Let the record state that Ginger is a Gold Digger. Period! Let’s say you marry for a mans “saving ability”… what happens when shit hits the fan in life and he loses his job… because let’s be honest… life isn’t perfect… now you are left with those so called savings while he finds a job.. and since your foundation of marriage was based on money… the likelihood of surviving this kind of crisis as a couple is slim. I’m sorry but I’d rather marry a man for his character. Sure he should make money and know how to save but shouldn’t EVERYONE?

Shelby says:

As a woman myself, this is fucking SICKENING. I’m 22, graduated making 70k in a STEM field. I’m not here to boast nor brag. I’m here because I got raised by MY FATHER. My mom married him for money. This led me to hate most women myself because god forbid most women actually know what being, “independent” truly means. It means you DON’T need someone to support you. These self-absorbed and dense little girls seriously play the feminism card on how to be better than men..yet want to take from them or judge them based on their “saving ability?” Like ok becky you really just want him to spend it on your unemployed ass for that new louis Vuitton. My father busted his ass, and growing up I resented gold-diggers.

Want to be a woman? An ACTUAL fucking woman? Get off your ass and truly be independent. Stop relying on others to do shit and bitch the whole damn time. A man does not need to take care of you. The word choice you used (mainly independent) does NOT fit for this article. SMART women know how to treat others, WORK, and aren’t hungrily looking to just “get with” someone. Jesus females today are pathetic and have NO drive. Call me a bitch, but I have yet to meet another female my age who has her head screwed on right. Girls my age merely go to college for their MRS. Degree (if you catch my drift)

P.S. it was no fun growing up with a selfish mom who valued money over kids and her husband..but hey! Woman power I suppose? What a joke.

Hint of advice women. Stop being so pretentious and self absorbed. In life nobody owes you a damn thing.

Rando Article Comment Reader.. says:

Can I please marry you?
In all seriousness though, great job for doing everything you have so far!
I hope that more women to want to be just like you..

Hannah says:

Hi love,
Female, 27, also in STEM pushing the 6 figure mark, no MRS degree here. I’m so incredibly sorry your mom treated you as second to her material desires. That isn’t fair and you got the short end of the stick. You deserved to have a mother and not someone who blatantly used your dad for his resources. In fact, I think Ginger (the author) would agree with you that gold diggers are just rotten. Her last paragraph states “Gone are the days when gold diggers were secretly envied…. Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it.”
I don’t think her point is that women who marry for money are the smart ones. There are the women who drain bank accounts before the bills are paid and the groceries are bought all with nothing to show for it except intense marital stress and credit card bills through the nose. Those women are crafty not smart. In the same exact vein, I have a coworker (engineer) who married a man (teacher) who did this to her. He racked up 10s of thousands of dollars in credit card debt without her knowing it, never paid on any of them and she only found out when they went to sell their home to buy a different house. They have been married for over 15 years at that point. Talk about stressful. I think he is devious, calculated and especially crafty. I think we could learn a few what-not-to-do’s from those crafty people.
Women who are smart don’t settle for the man who spends all of his money on beer and never pays on his credit cards or even the investment banker who has loads of incoming cashflow but can’t make his rent because he entertains his bosses and buddies on the golf course every night. Smart women marry the plumber (or teacher, I’m not going to alienate the rest of the teachers because of one bad apple) with a stable job, saves most of his money and has a goal to own his own business with a plan to do so over the doctor who is drowning in student debt and just bought a brand new Audi for no other reason than to look like a proper physician. Smart women make calculated decisions about who they partner up with including their potential partner’s level of financial savvy.
I do think you are genuinely hurt for how your mom treated you and your dad. Rightfully so. Please, please reach out to a professional who can help you unpack this hurt and sort through your feelings.
Best of luck,

John says:

Hannah, you’re taking the most-deviant, borderline-criminal behavior of gold digger spectrum to represent all gold diggers. Ginger being upfront about marrying for money doesn’t stop her from being one.

And please stop using Shelby’s past pains to discredit/diminish what she’s saying.

Niki says:

The title is literally ‘Smart women marry for money’. Apparently dumb people interpret the title, the rest of us know she’s a gold digger and encouraging women to behave like dependent children. What a lame article. I hate women like this so much. It’s like a bad hangover from the pre-1960’s.

George Rockerfeller says:

Gold digger alert!!!!!

Sunday says:

Well said Shelby!

Salma says:

Cry me a river. You sound so privileged never seen whats it like to be stuck in life. Your mom gave you a better life and now look at you complaining.a lot of women have tried the love route and have been let down by men being used as sex object so they end up changing their game. I am not the kind to use a man for his money but i can see their reasoning. Women are naturally loving Men have been using them for generations and no one says anything as soon as woman dares to use a men for his money the world goes crazy. Women go through labor , child raring. Breast feeding etc she’s naturally doing more than the man by,I. Good for you that you are smart and make so
Much not every woman has that chance.
say as long they’re both adults let them do as they wish. To each their own.

Janey says:

Well said. Absolutely agree 100%. Personally marrying a man for money as the main motivator makes me feel nauseous. How could someone do that? Every day you would have to live with that. Obviously such women have absolutely no conscience, are selfish, and liars. I really feel sorry for men who get into relationships like this. My husband went through this, although not a high earner, he was ‘taken to the cleaners’ as we say. She showed her true colours and he actually felt that 15 years of his life were essentially lies. He did not recognise the person any more. This ‘lovely lady’ has scouted about and caught herself a bigger Fish now. She is not good looking, has a poorly paid job, but is highly manipulative, driven by material items, and a complete liar. Enough said.

Alex says:

You sound like a dude

Johnny says:

I first met my wife 4 years ago when I was flipping burgers at $7.25 minimum wage. She stuck by my side every dam day I struggled. Today I make $72k, with a credit score of 715. I swear, if I never met a woman as nice as my wife, I’d rather just be MGTOW. American women have gotten more and more selfish over time.

Scott says:

Fair point Alan, in the main, however I believe you are speaking about good looking (i.e. “hot”) women who are fully aware that there is another man just around the corner who would be happily duped into a relationship with them. Sadly they have been conditioned to think this way but don’t kid yourself.. it sucks for the guy(s) on the receiving end but these narcissistic women are no more happy than the men they dupe as this type of behavior does not feed the soul, which is the source of all hope and happiness. There are decent women out there but finding them is indeed a significant challenge.

Tim says:

Instead of the phrase “battle of the sexes” to “the battle of whom makes more than the other” Feminism has its positives and negatives when women now compete with men to be “top dog“ whether in dating or in marriage or in the job market. Wondering why many marriages fail? Selfishness, on both sides.

The Smart One says:

Most women nowadays are very high maintenance, independent, greedy, selfish, spoiled, picky, narcissists, really think they’re very high and mighty, gold diggers, users, losers, and so much more can certainly be added to that list as well. MGTOW is growing and getting much stronger each day, and will keep many of us very smart men away from these very pathetic women altogether.

Tim says:

Online is a feast: for women that is. Total waste of time and $$ for most men. What a farce!! I make good money and descent looking but these women’s I’m a Queen mentality is something else. I’ll spend my money on my pooches, Harley Davidson, a nice car, clothes and living life.

Courtney says:

Heavens forbid a woman be independent and think highly of themselves.

Cynthia says:

Exactly. Men don’t want smart women; it messes with their ego.

Le Kawaii says:

those are not men. Just insecure little boys…

Shelby says:

I’m a woman and I agree literally hard to find any women friends with a damn brain cell or work ethic. It’s pathetic.

Kalyan Paudel says:

So nice

Boogey says:

WOMEN and various other groups: Do anything, be anything, be everything! Power to you, celebrate!!!
MEN: Here’s your weapon/tool. Now march into that grinder (aka “problems to solve”, “lives to save”, “buildings to build”, “work to be done”, “the wilderness”, “war”, etc). Most of you will die (lose) but be happy you’re helping the “greater good” (?). If you make it, congrats, you’re the big winner and you get everything (but still be reviled by all) and get to teach young one’s following you.

Gurpreet Singh says:

Seven years Paris France no documents deport me 2013.father is death serious sugar and heart disease problems. My family middle class belong. My wish you marry me but oh God. Good luck God bless god prey for you

Michael Stewart says:

I do not think the author here is writing anything that is negative. She is not telling women to date men for their money. She is simply stating to date men who know how to manage their money and have more ambition in life than to simply be able to make ends meet. A smart man knows how to budget their money, Knows how to manage expenses, and has a savings plan. I myself have done this. I earn 1100 a month from a trust that I get from my father when he passed away. I found I cannot live easily in the USA on this so i decided to move abroad. I currently live in Cambodia where I able to save 25% of my income every money and I sometime work in China where I am able to save 75% of what I earn because I do not have to pay rent as my job provides me with a place to stay. I also continued studying towards my degree which results in me having another 1000 per month due to financial aid. I treat it as income and budget as well. In the last 7 years, I have been able to save almost 47000 between a savings account and US treasury bonds. ALthough I might sell the US treasury bonds and buy Russian ones as Russians treasury bonds offer a higher yield.
A woman should want a man smart with money because it means that she can rest assured that she will be able to have a comfortable life. Honestly a smart man would choose a woman who is smart with money. If a couple has similar values in regards to money management they will likely both be happier.

Mikun says:

I came this far to look for a comment like this. You seem to be the only one who got the point of the article. Thank you!

Nick says:

To the author: So you’re saying that financial savvy and interpersonal communication are mutually exclusive?? I doubt that you are happily married to anybody. Learn how to communicate more effectively so that you will know that a person’s financial status is related to his/her communication with a potential mateThen you will know that love does conquer all

Rick says:

Love does not conquer all. Common goals, interests, friendship and communication is what allows people to grow together and not apart. It’s obvious you are too immature to understand or lived a sheltered life.
I learned from my parents and friends that fell in love with someone who didn’t share common goals including the use of money and they divorced with broken hearts.
I feel sorry for a man/child who doesn’t understand what a real relationship should entail emotionally, financially and…..

Nick says:

I strongly disbelieve that you are happily married to anybody. But I do believe that money is very important to you. What if he made little money but was wise with it? What if he cleaned toilets but saved his money?
Also, for your information, communication and financial savvy are not mutually exclusive. If you knew how to communicate effectively then financial savvy (as you put it) would be a part of the communication and chemistry process of a relationship. You obviously don’t know how to communicate effectively because you misunderstand the concept and definition of communication in a relationship. Chemistry and communication encompass more than you think they do. If you realized this then you would know that love does conquer all.

Kathy Stratton says:

I completely agree with you. A man who cannot manage his finances or at the very least have a plan will not make a good partner. Women understand how important being indepent through education employment and most importantly self esteem. A partner who is financially sound is literally a bonus. Most men expect a woman to be the same.

Nan says:

Education doesn’t make you independent. It doesn’t guarantee a high paying career, and it most certainly isn’t a good measure of a person’s intelligence, skill, or potential.

I really don’t think women understand words like independence—much like when they use the word sarcastic incorrectly. If you’re independent, then you don’t need a partner. There’s no reason to be a couple with someone if your going to always do things independently. The other person is unneeded.

Women stand in their accomplishment as a resume to demonstrate the type of man they want to attract, except with more of it. Women who flaunt their accomplishments like a middle aged bald guy in a Ferrari are not very attractive no matter how much yoga And CrossFit they do.

butmuhwomenarestrong says:

but i thought women are strong why dont they make their own money instead of selling themselves to the highest bidder like sl*ts

Someone/that/cares says:

So marriage for you means nothing more than a business correct? Well let me ask you this then… Have you ever love someone who cannot pay your bills? Have you loved someone who cannot provide any kind of luxury to you? Has anyone ever loved you without demanding sex from you? What does love mean to you, exactly? Can you define the last question? I believe that some women are in a way sociopaths. A sociopath is someone who cannot feel for others almost at all and lies all the time and manipulates other people to get what he/she wants from them… Sociopathy is a mental illness and those who have this kind of illness were born with it so its not their fault but nothing can be done to help them so it’s best to avoid them… A human being who does not love anyone is mentally ill and they need our support and protection because they are vulnerable. Men, don’t become frustrated if a woman doesn’t love you no matter what because she was born like that and this will never get better as no one can actually treat this… Just avoid women like them if you are looking for love… Most women when we’re little girls had massive levels of insecurity and now they judge someone from their looks mostly and some others from their bank accounts… All of that starts from their families who did a really bad job at raising their child and when they were younger were most likely bullied in a way and had a lot of pier pressure… They are now ill because of all that so next time you call a woman a whore or a slut please remember that she might have actually survived hell and probably has lost her way and thinks that all people care about how she looks, her body fat, her clothes etc… Now she thinks that only these things matter to everyone and believes that anyone should be judged by their looks and materialistic things in general…

To answer the question I asked before, love is when the one you are in love with would give his life to save you without thinking twice and you would do the same for him if the positions were switched… Not money or looks are involved as you can see, for any of them as that is equality… Love can be generated for someone who has all the materials in the world or someone who is homeless… That is love something you do not feel for the other person in particular terms (money or looks) just as long as he loves you the same way…
That’s what love is and always was and will as its a human feeling that even animals feel and is based on what the other person means to you and what you would sacrifice for him, (and vise versa) it has nothing to do with money, looks, job, school-college, family, status, name, house, popularity etc. I hope you all one day experience the real meaning of love, the one and true meaning…..

Michael Stewart says:

The entire purpose of marriage throughout history was to unite families. It was not meant to be an institution of love. It was always a business transaction to gain more wealth, power, and prestige. Women should choose the man who can meet her needs. If she married a broke man with no plan in life she is likely going to struggle if they have kids. A woman has more to lose in a relationship than a man does. If she gets pregnant then she has to sacrifice 20 years of her life for the child. A man can simply go to work the next day. I hate to say it but in many ways I do agree with the idea that if a man marries a woman and she has his child that he should have to provide for the child. Otherwise it is unfair to the child.

Smartmendon'tgetmarried says:

Prenups get thrown out all the time. Since marriage is a business. The best move is to invest in something else. Marriage is a horrible stock to invest in. You’ll never see the returns. Unless you like negative profits stay away.

Alan says:

Give em hell.

Alan says:

If a woman says NO to a pre nup……… like your underware is on fire after being dipped in oil. In this day and age woman want to be equal to a man, fuck it, they can make their own damn money too. I see NO benefit to getting married what so ever and the woman how wrote this is an example of how shallow woman can actually be. But yeah, thinking of a marriage as a business relationship is the only way but so empty of emotion and love.

Mitch says:

If you are a well established man there is no reason to get married. No reason to even move a woman in. If you like sex and affection keep her at arms length, once you marry her or move her in your sunk. If you are successful and confident you will attract women like flies so replacing them is not hard. the difficult part is finding one that is not covered in tattoos, piercings, obesity issues, has a bunch of kids, has substance addiction problems or has mental issues from previously aborting a child or STD’S they are eager to share with you. The author approaches from the point of business which I can respect. Men as soon as you start to see a diminishing return on your investment of time and money just politely move on.

James says:

Wow. That was awesome. So many men claim to be business men but yet don’t sign a prenup which is a really poor business move.

Robert says:

so well put! good advice!

JM says:

Lol! As a single father of a daughter, I’m teaching her to be independent, career & goal oriented, and never EVER dependent on anyone else to do these things for her. Above all else, find happiness within herself because no one else gives you such things.
If women were taught these principles, they wouldn’t be so insecure in themselves to depend on an SO to be their bread and butter. This article is sad, and is demoralizing on so many levels.

April says:

You have completely missed the point of this article, she is asking women to only see a man as a potential fit if there is potential for greatness which includes fiancial greatness, it is awesome that you are teaching your daughter to be independent but you must include in those teachings that in the event that she ever for once has to depend on someone else she in fact should be able to rely on her mate. Nobody needs to be with someone who you could NEVER rely on if needed, also a woman has enough on her plate and having to be behind a mans back to get his life together is a big no no. She never once mentioned get with a rich man or only care about money but please only consider a man with a plan.

Anonymous says:

As long as she works just as hard as the man. He should also be able to rely on her in difficult situations . A man has enough on his plate too. If he’s cool taking care of you when times are tough then you better be cool taking care of him. You women want gender equality, then that’s how it’s gotta be. Fair enough.

Lisa says:

What a woman goes through in this life will never be equal to a man. If a woman is a mans equal in terms of finances, she is in fact far superior than a man. A woman must not only work, she must carry the children for 9 months, go through the pain of childbirth, juggle the stress of her job with the stress that society puts on her for ageing. Walk into a pharmacy and pay 40x more for women products than a man has to pay for men products. Most of the marketing is aimed at women. If a woman marries a man without thinking long term if he will be a good provider, she will be stuck carrying the weight of everything, its not a smart move. Her life will become even more difficult and my point in what I said earlier is that women don’t have it easy to begin with. In my opinion, if a woman is working and earning just as much as a man, she’s considered superior. The women who disagree are too young to realize it and don’t have enough life experiences. When they marry any man without thinking twice and have children and a career , they will rethink their choices.

Robert says:

so well put! good advice!, I recently met a woman on a dating site. we hit it off good. She did things a guy likes to do, hike, bike, physically active, she loved my ability to converse. I felt human emotions. Well , she started “interviewing me”. I drove my old beater, showed her my rundown hunting lodge in the boonies, she dropped me like a hot potato. Before my little test she was saying all the things a guy likes to hear, “you turn me on” “you feel strong” “you don’t have any gray hair”. It’s so sad that a woman can’t find male companionship, a guy who will “have their back covered, love and covet, let them have their own space, sexy. Its always about the fucking money. You women are so pathetic, how can you ever be happy?

JM says:

Lol! I know many women like this, and they’re usually the reason articles such as “Missing the flame in your relationship” and “Affairs of the heart” exist. We see you types a mile away. Not all men fall for it, thank god. And not all women are this insecure.

JM says:


Slizer says:

Haha bitter broke boy can’t get the girls he truly wants because he’s an underachieving loser. You sound jealous and bitter

Christina says:

Money is certainly important in a marriage.

I just couldn’t marry a man old enough to be my father just because he was rich. I just think that’s disgusting….especially if his children were my age.

jim says:

what if his children are a bit younger than you . or say he has no kids ?

Luz says:

I love this . All women should know about this because its supposed to be logical but you would be surprised with some women . This is also something to think about alot when having a child … great article i absolutely love it and will use this info .??

Becca says:

I don’t think money is everything. My last boyfriend was a teacher! But I want someone who can support themselves. I don’t think that’s selfish. With the teacher I thought well our two salaries combined would leave us in a good place.

I went out a few times afterwards with someone who was very successful but he didn’t have the main thing I wanted.

I want someone who can support themselves they don’t have to be rich but they need to be responsible. I am doing my darnest to be responsible too. Nowadays it often takes two.

How can I have a family with someone who cannot hold a job?

Alissa says:

I’m married still for money bc I’m smart and he’s stable
Tog we are doing well financially
Not in love particularly but worry about my future
I will never have to with him
Most women are like this but don’t have the balls to admit it

John says:

This “article” completely misses all of the nuances that make up a relationship. I suspect the so-called author is lying about their age. Clearly this was written by a teenager with no life experiences under his or her belt.

Anonymous says:

I agree John

Anonymous says:

Oh my goodness ppl always just want something to argue about…oh how ppl miss the main point of subjects..where she’s getting at is to make sure the person you end up with can provide for you and make sure he’s financially stabled…it’s like being in your feelings with a guy who has debts now you marry him and now you’re married into debt living miserable and struggling. I think that’s stupid. If u have ambitions be with someone who shares the same…stop settling for struggles. Who in their right minds want to be in a struggling poor unsuccessful relationship. Hugs and kisses doesn’t pay bills. Nor does it help meeting goals in life being successful and we all know money is needed in order to be successful in this. Once beautiful world full of crappy people. Smh she did make it specifically clear that she’s not suggesting to just go for just a guy for his money for she is about commitment and finding true love but to make sure a guys has a good head on his plan, goals ect. Ya know???? People just think you’re supposed to find someone get butterflies and boom no worries were gonna be happy and stressfree?not if your not set right you won’t. Nothing but looking beat down and miserable only wishing for the best when you could’ve had it if only you followed your brain first then your heart and not just your heart. Being smart is best. And no i don’t condone useing people buti do condone going for what will best be for a person.

Anonymous says:

My goodness….

I just read all of this…. So sad, all of you are. I can’t help but feel sorry for the lot of you, including the writer. Just awful what people in the world are turning into. Just a bunch of empty shells without anything meaningful inside of you.

Anonymous says:

I am a man of 32 years old and not before marry want to marry some one and money to established me for my children and future. if any one agree pls massage me soon. thanks and best regards.
Dhaka, Bangladesh.

Anonymous says:

Actually, the smartest women marry for love and get rich on their own. Woman who are truly intelligent have their own plans for financial independance.

Anonymous says:

You shouldn’t marry someone for their money because as long as you’re married you will be a slave to that person and have no independence.

A says:

You can’t even spell INDEPENCENCE
So you probably aren’t very smart lol
This woman who wrote the article hits the nail on the head
So all the disgruntled people who are bemoaning this article: you are either men who can’t get any and are broke or you’re women who aren’t as smart as us who are married to men who make good money 😉 better luck next time

Lucy says:

Jajajajajaj yes and yes thanks for that ???

S says:

A, I feel sorry for you. Better luck next time for a love life??

Homosapien says:

You can’t spell “independence” either ?

lifesstrange says:

You sound quite agressive towards this woman. She didn’t say anything about going after a man’s money, just not to marry a guy in debts or an unemployed. You think your husband won’t cheat on you? think again. At least those women know what they want.

Anonymous says:

This why I think some women don’t need to even be in a relationship. Women that married for married are heartless! Money does not make a person happy love makes a person happy. It’s not what you have but what kind of person you grow to be. I feel sorry for the women that look at a man just for a way to live a better life. The man deserves someone to love him for who he is and not for what money he has!

Anonymous says:

I have a permanent job in classical music field, and music is my passion, but that field is not enough for providing the family with Louis Vuitton bags. That’s why the family sometimes thinks I am evil and selfish. Sorry, it’s Friday, and I have drunk a little, but I would write the same without drinking.

Anonymous says:

I’m not going to follow this advice… and I hope I don’t regret it!

I’ve been working my butt-off in finance since I graduated undergrad 8 years ago. 3 years ago I meet a bright, wonderful young man right out of school. He’s chronically unemployed. He says there are no jobs out there.

I would NEVER be unemployed for more than 2 weeks. I would take WHATEVER. And obviously he’ll be unemployed – and this is where our values disconnect. There would be far fewer fights if we were more similar. (I’m also kind of burning out and beginning to resent him that he’ll never be able to pick up the slack if I need him. But I suppose I just need to forget all about being resentful somehow?)

Luckily he doesn’t spend much money. So I’m just going to take the advice from this article that works for me. He doesn’t spend wildly or gamble? I’ll stay with him… (I just hope I don’t end up one of those women saying “run!”) I love him too much… for now.

Stefan says:

Curious if something change in the 7 years since this post, pls tell, i hope things are great

Andi says:

Many people that think they found love when it s actually infatuation.

Anonymous says:

These days most people get a prenuptial when they marry so when it’s time for divorce neither party gets screwed financially. But from my experience its best to go it alone.

Anonymous says:

I’m a nurse I see people come to the hospital all the time car accidents, and health problems that come with no warning. Lives changed forever what would you do if your wealthy business partner/husband got into a car accident lost both his legs, disability or your insuranceis not going to pay you 100k+ a year, trust me. What are you going to do when your little security blanket is gone? Is he going to lose his health, his job, his home, and his wife? Wow, just business I suppose….

Nick says:

Thank you for writing this. I get your point and completely agree with it. I am a man who is learning more and more to live with more humility- to withhold my financial history from everyone so I can see who may actually love me for who I am inside instead of for my net worth.
Whoever wrote this must have a mental sickness unless they are arguing against their real stance for the sake of making an argument.

John says:

Nick, I hope you don’t judge women based on their looks. I hope you judge women based who they are inside as you wish judged yourself. I hope you are not a hypocrite. 🙂

Davori says:


Anonymous says:

“It seems to me their is more men out there that will harm a womans financial standing then their are woman looking for a free ride. This is a very smart move on a females perspective. You men need to get over it and use to it!!!”

I’m a man who’s over it and used to it. I understand women well and get that money is very important to them. After all, you can’t eat love! Women want to marry someone who can provide for them (or at least help to). In my experience the ideal man for a woman is one who is practical, makes finances a priority, works regular hours, gives what little free time he has away from work to entertaining his wife, and has no hobbies to distract him from either.

I’m proud to say I’m not that guy, though. I’m an autodidact and very educated. This is because I spend time bettering myself by learning and improving me. I can play several instruments, have a million hobbies, I’m very creative in all the arts such as painting and drawing, have written books, and I’ve read absolutely everything. Unless you’re Harold Bloom it’s very likely you’ve not read more than me. This along with much time spent in reflection has allowed me to become an enlightened person. But of course I’m also a marriage-desiring woman’s worst nightmare.

Girls really love a few of my guy friends who are considered extremely dull by all guys who know them. This was the hardest lesson I had to learn – that and of course the fact that girls could care less if you have a good heart (or at least it’s way, way down on the list). If they’re like my second love who left me for a millionaire investment banker (she was a model so she had options), they’ll tell you in their goodbye email you have one of the kindest hearts they’ve ever known and then promptly follow that up with the facts they just don’t love you anymore and the new guy’s a lot better than you. Likewise, my first love left me and the first line in her email was: “I know you’ll be a great writer one day, but it’s hard to have a relationship with someone pursuing that career”. I don’t blame either of them. I understand reality and this makes really good sense to me. Which is why I don’t marry.

I work out and diet and take care of my body. I take care of my mind and spend time thinking about the world and learning about me. I have very little money at all and I’m extremely happy. The truth is that without a partner to provide for I don’t need money. This is what a lot of women don’t understand – men don’t need money. They just desire women and so the foolish ones think money is the only way to get them. But it’s not. It’s just the only way to keep them. Material things mean nothing to me so I just don’t do long-term relationships. On the other hand, I have a lot of confidence which means I can bed girls very quickly. Given the reality that I’d just be a place-filler to them anyway, I don’t want them to stick around anymore than they do. So I just keep several girlfriends at once, keep dazzling new ones with my intellect, wit, charm, and confidence – ironically, all of which are results of my independence.

By understanding women value financial solvency over love I’ve learned not to hold grudges against the 2 loves of my life. Both lined up wealthy men behind my back when we were dating so they wouldn’t have to be alone when they left me and could immediately be taken care of. They tell me they’re better off without me and that they’re blessed. I know they truly believe this so I’m happy for them. In a sense, though, it’s still a little sad on my end because to this day I still love both of them very much. I’m truly grateful I ever got to be with them in the first place. They were absolutely incredible! And I was so happy with them and the way they got all those crazy chemicals shooting around my brain. I’m don’t have that heavenly euphoria-like feeling anymore but I also don’t have any stress (money problems) or drama (female-male misunderstandings). I’m free of things and others. I’m my own person. I don’t need them the way they need the guys there with. Everyday is full of possibility: new women all the time. And women are much more into you the first year you know them anyway. After that it’s mostly attachment and shared experience that you think of as love and all the exciting (feeling of newness and mystery) fun sex goes out the window. This man loves the article! Smiles everyone!

Wolfwolveswolf says:

A Man will never be anything more to a women, than a temporary means to something, which is a fact that all Men must come to face the truth of at some point in our existence here on the earth, or go on to kid himself.

Kalengwa says:

This Article is very educative let people around the world learn something, listen and understand,seek advice and then understand, hopefully the writer is still breathing I love her)/ I love him we need such people in this world marriage today is abusiness

Anonymous says:

Ok, here’s my situation…. I was married 13 years to a man I married young had children, had good credit, had my own accounts, never once did I ever have to worry about my finances until I married him. I did not make sure he was financially stable before marriage and we jumped into marriage to quickly. Now, I’m reaping the consequences of those actions. My savings has gone down to nothing, My credit ruined because of all of his debt, I had to file bankruptcy because of his creditors coming after me, then once I got that taken care of and paid off, I get slapped with a divorce… UGH!!!! Now at 40 I’m starting all over again, building my savings, paid off all my debt, and trying to finish my education on grants and my gi bill…. My first year of my divorce I meet many guys some not being financially stable, living from pay check to pay check which were really nice guys but after my experience in my first marriage I already knew there was no way in hell I was going to go through that again, after meeting different men I finally meet a man who has his shit together, a large savings account, very good credit, works hard and has his own home. He’s able to pay his child support and not worry about how to pay his bills. After dating for a year he wanted me to move in, I declined even tho it would help me financially in the end, I sure wasn’t going to do to him what I just went through. He understands that first I want my savings built up, my education completed, and all debts paid before making this jump… We both have children to think about and my first priority is to be financially stable on my own benefiting my children’s future, him and his children. I want to be able to give back 100% to the relationship… If that is a woman who is a gold digger sorry guys… I don’t see it that way… It seems to me their is more men out there that will harm a womans financial standing then their are woman looking for a free ride. This is a very smart move on a females perspective. You men need to get over it and use to it!!!

Joe says:

Men earn tons more than women, what do we need your money for? Women usually bring debt and kids to the table.

Anonymous says:

I believe that if you’re talking about spending the rest of your life together with someone, which is what marriage is SUPPOSED to be about, then worrying about whether or not he diversified his hedge fund should be the last thing on your mind. And don’t get me wrong, marrying someone who has financial problems should be discussed within your life long plans, but letting that be the deciding factor of whether or not you want to be with this person is blatant BS. Most women who marry a man’s wallet tend to love his potential rather than who he is as a person. And usually, a man who is attracted to a woman like that is not stupid by far because he intentionally seek these type of women and usually have married quite a few. My personal opinion is that if you love, respect, and want to build something with your husband then you have to compare the strengths to the weaknesses and construct a plan that will allow your marriage to grow in love and in monetary wealth. As soon as you approach your marriage like it’s a business then you fall victim to the pitfalls of how a business is generally ran, which is to make money and nothing else bottom line. So if that’s the determining factor for you “sealing the deal” so to speak, then I suggest chasing your money while remaining single as your best business move.

Anonymous says:

‘m not sure what to think with this whole method in finding a mate. On one hand I find it smart money-wise and security wise and on the other, I find it ridiculous. lol… i love the guy who mentioned ‘ you know what the a stands for right’.. it’s so true. The very money-motivated men are greedy, selfish, and gluttonous. and that gluttony stems from money, to things, to other women. many are never faithful because they have always placed themselves first in life. Money may help relationships stay bound but it doesn’t guarantee happiness.
i think i would favor along the lines of finding someone who treats people and their family very well.. someone who will treat you well because a man who appreciates you in his life is willing to do anything for you. thats worth more than focusing on a missed credit card payment. a man so focuses so much on money is only doing it for himself, not you. men like that you cannot trust. ive seen plenty of these types and they sink very low in every avenue of their lives. no thanks. its about finding balance, but this route you are taking is not balanced or understanding.

I can see a little of both sides and love reading the diverse commentary!!!

Anonymous says:

I completely agree with the author of this piece. Love doesn’t pay the bills, by all means marry for love (and you should be) but when the debt collectors are knowing on your door… is love paying your way then?

If you aren’t sensible with your money how on earth can I feel you’d be sensible in any other area of life?

Anonymous says:

i think all you woman are stuck up money grabbing gold diggers isnt being married about being with the one you love not about how much money the man has? Wouldnt there be less divorce problems with money not being an issue if you were not so worried about what man makes?

Anonymous says:

That would imply that money isn’t a big deal in divroce. You try paying your bills with “love”. Also, if you had actually read the article she doesn’t say to marry a rich man, she says marry a man who is good with his money. Someone who doesn’t buy things he cannot afford, someone who doesn’t gamble, someone without huge debts.

If that makes someone a gold-digger then sign me up! I’d sure as hell rather marry someone who is stable and reliable that marry some cutie who can’t save or provide a stable home life.

Why would I bring my pay check home to someone who can’t even look after their own?

Anonymous says:

First impression: did you write this article just to get a lot of hits? Obviously men will hate this and women, especially single and divorced women, will love this.
Second, it’s articles like this that make men run for prenups before marriage or avoid marriage all together.
Third, we live in a different age. I believe men and women are complete equals. Women are graduating from college at a higher rate compared to men. So when it comes to seeking out a partner in life, men looks for looks and compatibility, women look for money, comparability and looks? Since women can make just as much money nowadays why belittle yourself into depending on a man for financial security? Shouldn’t you view your financial security the same way your equal opposite sex views it as, YOUR RESPONSIBILTY?
Fourth, you say it’s compatibility but you finish your article asking women if their smart? All women? Not just graduate students but hair dressers bank tellers etc. would you recommend a women making 12,000 a year still seek out a rich man? If so, doesn’t your compatibility argument become a mute point. And basically make it the average case for why to be a gold digger.

Anonymous says:

You haven’t read it, have you? She is saying to marry someone who is financially stable! Marry someone with a job, with a good attitude to money. Don’t marry the fool who doesn’t have a stable job or is useless with money.

When you get married and their debt collector is taking your stuff… well, lets see how well love and attraction pays the bills then!

My God, Americans are so naive when it comes to love.Make sure you look nice, say the rights things and hey, suddenly you’re just meant to be married – after all, love makes the world go around, right?

At least here in Germany this is something we consider before marrying. Why marry someone who is useless with money. They’ll be useless at plenty of other things too. Marry the person with the car and the good job. Male or female, you shouldn’t be marry those who cannot keep their purse strings closed.

You, Tim, seem to be rather upset by this. Are you not financially stable or has a girl left you for someone better?

Stalker says:

Good to see that the most sociopathic woman in a thread isn’t American for a change.

Anonymous says:

Definitely true as long as the “smart woman” is just as financially viable or signs a pre-nup, after all you wouldn’t issue voting rights to non-investors would you?

Anonymous says:

The first primary role in the family of the man is to show loving leadership over wife and children. Oversight of all matters in the home, both physical and spiritual. Spiritual leadership in family home Bible studies and prayers. The wife is the manager of the home, but the husband is the manager of the wife. (1 Tim 5:8)
The second primary role in the family of the man is to be the “breadwinner” Works to make money to support family.

“But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. ” 1 Timothy 5:8
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. ” 1 Cor 11:3
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ” Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. ” Col 3:19

Anonymous says:

I get what the author is saying, and it makes some sense. I agree that being on the same page about finances is important; however, there is more to compatibility than just financial suaveness. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women out there who will read this as “at all cost, look for a guy who is financially well off.” Personally, I think one is better served by placing concepts like commitment, fidelity, trust, and kindness, ahead of any financial acumen. Besides, in the long-term, the things wealth buys can never replace the contentment of wanting to grow old with someone simply because you truly love and care about them.

Anonymous says:

These women are also known as slags. I own my own company, and am quite artful at avoiding them. They also get divorced more than other women.

Anonymous says:

Amen brother. I knew a girl who was in my class in 9th grade and laughter when I asked her out. We didn’t talk for 30 years and when I finally meet her again I find out that she is divorced and has 4 children (one outside of marriage) and is working in a dead end job. Haha, I almost died laughing. I then learned out that i had dated her 27 year old daughter two months ago. I know it sounds gross but i kinda look at it as ironic huh. In the end some of the math geeks do turn out successful (started several companies as well as invested in several Internet companies and let me tell you they payed off big time).

Anonymous says:

Love isn’t smart.

Anonymous says:

Women see man as financial security.. so I think it is justifiable for man to see women as sex toy right???

Anonymous says:

It’s funny how a well-thought article can raise so much ire between the sexes. Not only is the author completely right in suggesting that there needs to be an equal level of responsibility and commitment in a relationship — and, yes, that includes finances — but it’s also critical to pay close attention to perspective and language around money. My ex came from a perspective of “lack” — there was never enough, everything was too hard, he couldn’t or wouldn’t… Of course that’s a gross generalization but, after years of working my ass off trying to carry our entire family and please him, I got smart, cut loose the anchor and decided to allow myself to soar for the benefit of my children and me. Now I work harder than ever as a sole provider and single parent, yet I’m happier, earn more, enjoy greater respect at work and am looking for a man who doesn’t carry the erroneous scripts that “it’s difficult to find a job in this economy” or that “there’s not enough to go around.” The universe is abundant! Opportunities abound!

suz says:

Amen sister!

Anonymous says:

I think the problem is that even a lot of women who supposedly “marry for love” are still marrying for money but in a better-rationalized way. For example one woman may marry a billionaire she’s not attracted to and say she “married for money.” Another woman may say she married someone who she found funny and handsome and had chemistry with and claim she “married for love.” However before she went on a date with him she screened out every person below a certain educational threshold, every person with a dead end career, every person who made below a certain annual salary, and every person who was less ambitious than she would have liked. So even though she may have made her final decision based on things other than money, it still played a major role in her screening process because she never allowed poor people to join the pool of applicants. Also, if you screen people based on probably future earning potential, they may not be making money now but there is a high likelihood they will in the future. It’s still a form of marrying for money, although if you asked the women doing it they’d say they weren’t. Many people only consider it marrying for money only if money is the ONLY reason they’re marrying someone and the person is ALREADY which.

My point here is that we need a commonly agreed definition of what the phrase “Marrying for money” actually means before we can even start debating whether or not its good..

That’s why I think these types of polls are flawed. People have to many ways to rationalize and deny the role money plays in their choices.

Another example: many men may say they didn’t make a shallow decision when marrying and didn’t marry their wives based on looks because she’s smart and has a good career. However they never even gave women below a certain looks threshold a shot when considering women for marriage material. So even though for these guys looks weren’t the ONLY criteria, it still was one of the first and it informed every following step in the selection process as a result.

Anonymous says:

I’m a good looking guy, caring and would make a great partner. But I can’t go back to school because of student loans and I’m stuck in a dead end job. It’s sad that I cant find a decent girl because they all have degrees and good jobs and I can’t even afford to live without a room mate.

Seems like women are just greedy selfish people who wont give someone a chance over how much money there worth. Materialistic minded and not really intrested in the real point its about love not money.

Anonymous says:

I’m truly disappointed in women who marry just for the money. There has to be a physical attraction, ther has to be good communication, be able to get along and care for each other.
This country us full of opportunities for and ladies We can be independent!!
. My situation is the following: I’m an attractive 24 year old with a college degree a stable and good paying job I can afford my own car ,health insurance, rent, bills and shopping sprees. However I always end up dating guys who are not economically stable, no college degree and barely make enough to support themselves so they’re not in a position to marry and unlike others ladies who want to sit at home and have rich men to give them luxuries all I want is a guy who makes enough to get me a home where we can both live comfortably and not have up support him. I’m kind of in between most people that have replied, my opinion is a guy has to be independent, be able yo support his family if kids come along and have ambitions and yes why not treat his woman with gifts and dinners every now and then. It’s a team effort people!

Anonymous says:

Women who JUST marry for money should realize that type of marriage is not a REAL marriage. It’s unfortunately that men are not smarter than to involve themselves into such relationship. But those types of women eventually end up with nothing that’s makes them feel whole and happy. They most likely will not expose their feelings, but if they are honest, the above is reality. People, honesty and being yourselves is always BEST.

Anonymous says:

I was pondering on leaving my fiance because he is a procrastinator. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He eventually wants to own his own resteraunt, but he doesn’t want to take the small steps to do that. He spends all his money on bills, while I take care of the groceries. We are women. We want to be wined and dined. Not doing all the wining and dining. I can’t remember the last thing he has bought for me while I give him little gifts here and there. And, he always asks me for money. He is a resteraunt cook, but can’t he strive to be better. I even politely suggested that he gets enlisted for the Coast Guard to be a Food Specialist. He’ll be getting benefits, making 3x as much as he making now and still doing what he loves to do. I have my decree and the means to get a better job. He has no education past his high school diploma, and no drive to do anything better. It’s frustrating because I like nice things, and I just got out of college so I have an excuse to be where I am. He’s been working for 10 years and has no savings or anything? What is that supposed to tell me about our future together?

Anonymous says:

Well, 1.2 billion People live on less than $1 dollar a day….I think you (and I) should be very thankful for what we have.

It sounds like you do not love nor accept your partner for who he is….

“Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails” 1 Cor 13:4-8

Anonymous says:

So you’re basically telling her that just because there’s a bunch of poor people in this word stuck in third world countries she should settle for a deadbeat loser? Get real. And I really don’t see how quoting the bible has anything to do with this… It’s as if you’re trying to make an otherwise flawed statement valid just because you can quotes a few proverbs.

Nick says:

Maybe he will buy you things here and there when you learn to spell ‘restaurant’ correctly.

Anonymous says:

some men marry solely for looks and some women marry solely for money. if you are in a truly loving relationship money and looks wont matter because both disappear over time. women who are beautiful have no trouble getting men, but most women who are beautiful use men for their money. guys who are with woman like this should kick them to the curb immediately and men shouldnt marry solely for looks. i myself am a so-so looking 37 year old men who is unemployed and has a decent amount of money saved up but not enough money to please any of the shallow asshole woman that ive met over the years. and i have dated girls who werent that good looking but it didnt work out for whatever reason- usually because they wanted to get back with their asshole ex boyfriends who treated them like shit instead of staying with a nice good hearted guy like me. im single now and i think i am better off.

Anonymous says:

It might be that the selfishness perpetuated by this type of thinking on either side is one of the reasons that 50% of marriages fail. When you say your vows, it should be with the utmost respect and sincerity. If you marry for money, consider “birds of a feather”. You might
think you have him fooled, but in 10 yrs, will you also be devalued? Will you lose the respect of his family or yours? I have been married for 32 yrs. to a fantastic woman, 5 kids, 3 grand kids. It is the hard times that we look back on as an important asset for how we view each other. I remember how the women’s movement talked about women being viewed as sex objects, as if they could not make it on their own. Maybe Ginger could clarify what manner of respect women are now striving to attain. Is this the “new” psychology?

Anonymous says:

not sure if you are a man or woman, but I agree………whine aboout “i”m fat, aren’t i?” or “f”ing get on p90 x….Tony will be your best friend

Anonymous says:

MARIE: get over yourself……if you were as successful and sexually satisfied as you say….you would not be trolling on the internet.

Smart men deserve smart women…PERIOD!

Anonymous says:

if money makes the difference in who you marry or not then there is no excuse you are a whore. if your marriage is built on a foundation of materialistic value your gonna find yourself in dark places. follow your heart and whom you love truley it is one of the most valued things in this short time here in life. god bless

Anonymous says:

Guys, You do the same thing. You marry for money too.

I can tell you what happened to me that is why I am at this site. I married a bum essentially, who lied to me about his job and his life. He embazzled money from my family, we lost money in the amounts of 7digits, I lost all my savings and this useless _____ kidnapped our son in this entire process, leading to a legal battle which cost me tens of thousands more to get him back. He was also a abusive alcoholic f__. If you think I am stupid, let me tell you, he was so good at pretending and keeping things down low, I didn’t know all this till we got married, even his family was in on all of it. I am not ugly, in fact I am approached by modeling agencies in every country I go, I lived on 3 continents and had a great life. Essentially, I am beautiful, I am very savvy about the world, I have my own money and I am not a material girl. I was just Naive and too trusting. I got beat every few days, my credit cards stolen by him and me and my son were almost shot in our heads with his guns. Till this day, he refuses to give our son up..Know why? Cause he knows my family has the money he nor his family could ever have even if they work till death and not sleep. He wants to milk our son in the future. So all you guys who think you have so much money and know so much, Please..think before you speak. Your little girls might be next.

If I had to make the choice again, I would do as this author suggests and Marry someone on Par with me, not some pretentious bum who can’t even spell. Ladies, Never be soft-hearted because you are the ones who suffer in the end. At the end of the day, my poor son is the one who suffers, he is still to young to understand what we both have been through and what he is to expect in the future.

Anonymous says:

GET OVER YOURSELF….you can marry whomever you choose…..if you are as awesome as you say you are, you wouldn’t be trolling the internet…..

Anonymous says:

Wow.. until tonight, I thought I had seen some of the dumbest shit on the internet, but this takes the cake (probably in the divorce).

Absolutely love this quote:
“Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t.”

So the same should apply to men right? Wealthy men should only marry women with equal or greater assets? You keep referring to “smart women.” I’m guessing from the tone of your “article” that you are referring to conniving and deceitful women, and not intelligent business women.

How about this one;
“Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t.”
Where are you getting this information; your ass? It’s been shown time and again, that low income and high income individuals, share roughly the same happiness level (excluding those so poor they can’t afford basic needs, though even this is moot with the smallest amount of effort).

It’s funny how most of the women who claim that marrying someone wealthy is smart, are the ditsy fake women who couldn’t make it as a McDonald’s burger flipper. I can’t recall [post if you have a link] one article, blog or story, about a successful and rich woman stating the issues she had marrying a working poor man, which were miraculously solved by a larger bank account.

Get over yourself. A “fashionista” graduate student? Hate to break it to you, but you’re a bullshit artist at heat, no better than a used car saleman, with the only difference being your commission. It makes perfect sense that you would write so terrible piece of crap

I think it was pointed out in another comment; a man who “buys” his wife, is simply buying another toy, just like his car, his boat, his jet, etc. You’re a pretty object that comes with payments, just like a lease, and guess what; when the new model comes out, or you have a bit of “wear” you’re going to be dropped in a heartbeat for the newest of the line. Where do you think prenupts came from?

I could go on, but I’ve already wasted enough time responding to what can only be a troll, or a whore.. most likely both.

Anonymous says:

If we’re going to go strictly by financial terms, then fine. I’m financially well off, and a successful property investor. Not a billionaire, but confidently rich, Since you want relationships to be defined as a financial transaction, let’s evaluate it as one:

(1) Do you match my investment (in the marriage) on a dollar-for-dollar basis? Unless you do (and most people can’t, believe me), what use are you as a partner? Are you so certain you want to define the relationship as a financial transaction?

When you choose to use finance as a yardstick, you fall short. I wouldn’t marry you. All your good looks, intelligence, and eloquence mean nothing. There is no definitive value in them. In effect, your market positioning has devalued your assets.

If we did get married, it would be a case of me buying a new TV or a coffee maker. And you would be discarded or replaced with equal ease. Are you certain that’s what you want?

(2) You have stopped talking about financial security, and started talking about profit. Understand that the two are very different. Not going bankrupt is financially secure. Not going bankrupt but not generating millions, is financially unprofitable.

Are you referring to a man who is financially secure (can pay his loans), or a man who is rich? If you meant the former, your title is wrong. It should be “Smart Women Marry for SECURITY”.

(3) You are not “in control” of your financial destiny if you marry me for money. Rather, I’M in control of YOUR financial destiny. That’s like saying “I have control of my financial destiny now, because I am an employee in company X”. It’s delusional.

You have INFLUENCE, which is entirely different from control. And it’s far less powerful.

(4) You have misunderstood your own quote. It says that the unity comes from struggling together to make ends meet, to make a profit, etc. It says nothing about being acquired as a luxury item, and then leaving the other person to do all the work.

Part of financial security means having the willingness to tough things out. I wouldn’t pick a partner who’s in it for a quick buck, and who’s so openly a cop-out. From the way you present yourself, I know you’re going to cut and run when times get bad.

YOU aren’t a financially secure bet.

No offence, but before bringing up the subject of finance, do spend some time thinking as a business woman. Even stepping back from the emotional context, and looking at it in a level-headed way, your discussion of marriage and finance is like a treatise on unicorns.

Fascinating, but useless.

Anonymous says:

I like you Ryan. You’ve made me think.

Lexton Eric wms says:

Spot on.I totally agree with your comments from a relationship perspective. Most women of today live in a delusional world.They want the fairy tale,with all the extras ,bells and whistles .They are influenced by game shows,court TV or rich celebrity lives etc. A woman could not go through what a man goes through,just to make it in this world…but yet they want to be equal? Should we think further as to why this country is so screwed up in a variety of ways? I lived a hard life up to 43 years of age.I now have multiple streams of income.I now am living the life of my dreams…very happy,very secure as a multi-millionaire…which is what I never tell any woman.This also makes it easier to weed out and avoid bad choices.Men should also start screening these women more closely,and also ask “what can you do for me” ?

Anonymous says:

I can just imagine the comments from women I would get If I said the only women I would settle for were the gorgeous model types just out of college, (pig,robbing the cradle,flithy….,)whatever…

Anonymous says:

I’m sorry-what world do you live in? Men do this every day! There are men who will only date the types that you listed because that’s their preference and frankly, I don’t care. If it suits them then who am I to complain about it?

I am attracted to men that look like my husband-tall, dark, muscular, shaved head with a goatee. Does that make me a bad person-Heck no. LOL Just stop, everyone likes what they like, nothing wrong what that!

Anonymous says:

ginger…if you are so happy, why are you TROLLING? makes you look like LOSER

Anonymous says:

ginger from the article above, it is clear that the muscular black man didn’t attract you, but his money did. so go and try to achieve something by yourself WOMAN!

Anonymous says:

A sickening subject as I know for a fact , some women who (trade up), taking the kids with them. The father is simply a historic part of her life. So, what do we teach the kids…That money makes you valuable. I guess I have more respect for the streetwalkers as it is less pretentious. I see these good catches as “frauds”…Nice hair, clothes, shoes, teeth. The guys that “buy” them often are not “self made”, just born with silver spoons up their ( )….influential families that are more responsible for the successes then they are. Ahhh…self – love…..

Anonymous says:

I find it hilarious how up in arms the commentors are over this article. If you despise superficiality then why don’t you shack up with a fifty-year-old, obese woman? After all, love is blind, right? Get serious. Wealthy and frankly, the not weathy among men want the most attractive woman they can find. They make no apologies about this extremely superficial view but get upset and throw a fit when a woman has requirements for herself.

I don’t believe in marrying “for money” but I’d never marry a man who was broke because after the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Car problems, no health insurance, lack of a vacation…ever- that’s my sister’s reality. She is miserable. Marry someone with goals who understands that life involves fundamental basics for living.

Anything less is settling for unhappiness.

Anonymous says:

So, looking for a man to “rescue you” is ok then? Wow…not exactly the feminist view
You said…
Car problems, no health insurance, lack of a vacation…ever (so what, who does, I don’t) …not looking for a woman to rescue me (equals rights). All things being equal, if both a man and woman are equal in all things, then by virtue of being female, she has the responsibility to find the highest paying man she can find. By being a man, he has the job finding any female that will accept him based on his income?

Anonymous says:

In my opinion, based on the comments I did read, Mitejen & Crystal of are the only people that have replied both maturely and intelligently. I appreciate your comments. My comment is geared more towards people with average means, not super wealthy backgrounds & not towards people who are physically/mentally ill & cannot take care of themselves and are blessed to have a partner that supports them. It is also not for men who want to be buried alone with their money. Most of all it is not for the women that just want to be ridiculously spolied, there is nothing wrong with that, but you just made it that much harder for yourself to find love that lasts.

First and foremost when leaving comments it should not be based on personal resentment of a negative experience. Experiencing is part of life, but what is most important is walking away with a MATURE/HEALTHY message to share with others. This is the root of wisdom, which makes the world a better place to live in for the future generations. Most of all being real & truthful with others as well as yourself about how the world works is the key to happiness. I believe the author was being real & truthful regarding basic concerns and needs. She was not discussing the importance of “gold-digging” which is by definition: Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man. How does “gold-digging” take place: When a rich man shares a large amount of his funds with a woman in the hopes to “woo” her over, control her, feed his ego and or in attempt to purchase love. Now…who would be guilty of those false pretenses? Both parties engaging in the act. I hope this cleared it up for those who were confused.

Next, this article has steered away from what the meaning of a loving & healthy relationship is. Most people cannot define love & this is where priorities get misaligned. Love always protects, always trusts, always perseveres. There is a further definition as this is defined from the Corinthians as well as my own opinion. Ethical and integral women believe this and know that in order to have a loving & healthy relationship this is the foundation. You cannot protect your wife, if you engage in a long-term commitment such as marriage if the male counterpart has not figured out, financially, that a + b = c. Meaning you earn & try hard, you will succeed.

Some basic equation examples:
school + find something that works + work hard = success
no school + work hard + find something that works = success
go to school + establish debt + dont find a decent paying job = debt
Dont work hard or at all + establish debt = debt

There are a long list of excuses, but a short list of truths. Finding a way to earn money is the success formula whether your an artist, intellect or a garbage man.
You cannot trust your husband to make good choices if he has always made selfish/poor choices (spending/not saving money/letting people take advantage of him/not working hard) and has discovered the golden list of BS. Second, its not possible for the woman to be truly happy if hes not happy/secure in himself. A man cannot say he truly planned on being a loving/good husband, if he hasnt set his life up accordingly to avoid seeing his wife and child struggle and or has solely relied on meeting a woman he can go 50/50 with (this makes me sick ladies). A good/loving man wont even bother getting involved seriously if he knows he has nothing to offer. Life is a box of chocolates and you never know which partner your going to get. Males & females should both be financially prepared in the event they meet a special person so the foundation of the relationship is not immediately built on corruption/false notions. Its about taking accountability for your own life and behavior.

The first priority of a man should be about being a supportive husband so he may see his wife and child prosper. Your first priority as a woman should be about knowing when to bring something to the table, knowing when it is your time to be a woman such as giving birth & keeping up with female maintenance (hair/nails/facials/shopping) & taking care of family members etc.Time waits for no man or woman, so it is especially important that the timing is right, another reason for a man to make sure he does what he needs to do in a timely reasonable fashion. No woman wants to have children super late in her life, growing grey hairs/wrinkles & having less energy for them or even worst punishes herself mentally/physically because she decided to wait for her husband to finish paying student loans. A man has to be financially stable enough to allow his woman to be able to attend to the personal female matters men dont normally attend to, otherwise she will be working two jobs to pay for your husbands mistakes, no time for kids and they wont have a healthy environment, not maintaining herself physically and not feeling attractive anymore, not preparing that amazing dinner for her family so they feel warm & comfortable. Life is not about just getting by, its about making the most of it & taking every necessary step to get there. Meaning financial stability relies on sound financial decisions. The one thing you grown men out there remember, assuming you had a fairly normal/happy upbringing, is that your moms were there when you fell off that bike or they made you those batch of cookies and kissed you on your head when you were sad. Well say bye bye to that if your woman just came home tired from pulling a 8-10 hr shift and all she wants to do is soak her feet in a hot bath and go to bed.

First it starts with the responsible ambitious man in search of his responsible woman. Not a man searching for the women he can financially lean on in any way (not even 50/50) or the women leaning entirely financially on the man (unless he is supporting her to further her education). Nature intended for women (nurturers/caretakers) and men to be the (hunters/gatherers). If a man doesnt understand that you have to go above & beyond for the women he loves & wants to spend the rest of his life with than he has no business looking to be involved in a long term committed relationship & women should be confident enough not to accept less for the simple thought or image of what appears to be “love”. The love that will make any woman happy is the same love that started deep inside of the man before he even met you & therefore his priorities should be straight. With great effort there will be reward.

Anonymous says:

Well, some women would be attracted to a man like that. Please remember that attraction is hardly a “one size fits all”.

Anonymous says:

i refuse to pay the price you’re asking for the use of your vagina. go find a stupid “man with a plan”.

Anonymous says:

i think its the mans stupidity for being fooled by a woman’s looks and thinking shes into him. So men know it and turn a blind eye by accepting it as it is the way it is in society. The trouble is good looking women have bargaining power, they always have had doors opened. to them, and can pick and choose exactly what there looking for. Money comes into it not so much as to there long term thinking but what they want in fun. An example would be a guy a girls dating takes her to the movies and drinks, during the dating process another guy she meets offers to go sky diving next weekend an offer she cant resist along with his charms. She has a great time and of course would brush off the other guy for next time. You gota turn the tables and think what if it was all reverse girls looked for guys, you could go to a bar and there was 400 single girls with few single have good looking ones hit on you all the time. Your standards would climb up n up and you would look for women who were not just good looking but good looking and a lawyer or a doctor..Its bargaining power girls have it and does suck cause they don’t see it from a different perspective.

Anonymous says:

I understand what the author is trying to say, despite the plethora of negative (mostly from men, it seems) comments here.

No one wants to take on someones financial irresponsibility. I have to take care of myself and my disabled father because he was bad with money and has no retirement of any sort. No one wants to look for a mate with excess baggage, whether they are emotional, violent, or financial.

So yes, when I look for a mate, I’d like someone with a job. Does that mean he has to make 100k a year? Absolutely not. It means he is trying and doing his part. I’d marry a fry cook from McDonalds without a second thought if I knew he was the type of person to do his part and work hard. It’s not marrying for money, it’s marrying someone who is responsible and doing what they can to move forward.

My mother took in a young man when I was in highschool that was only a few years older than me that she met on the internet. For 3 years he was “applying for jobs”, but for 3 years he sucked thousands of dollars out of her to support him while he lived with us. That is what the author is referring to in my opinion. That is something we, as women, should not marry into. Otherwise you’re just supporting another child.

It’s the same for men, I’d never expect a man to marry a woman who either 1. doesn’t work or 2. if she doesn’t work, she doesn’t take care of things around the house either (same for women, btw, if my husband doesn’t work, I expect him to be doing things around the house while he looks for work or taking care of the kids).

And to the commentators talking about women fighting for alimony. I left my husband and denied alimony because I decided I was going to stand on my own two feet. So no, not all women are out for sugar daddy’s and alimony. That’s not the purpose of this article at all.

Anonymous says:

“No one wants to take on someones financial irresponsibility.”

I think this is ABSOLUTELY what the author was attempting and did not quite convey.

A relationship is a partnership (in my opinion) and both should be trying to contribute equally. If one or both enter into it expecting to be taken care of ALL the time instead of in times of need, then one or both need to be HONEST about that, or about where they think the relationship was going. If somebody is okay with being someone’s sugar daddy/mommy, that’s cool, so long as they understand that this person probably can’t be relied upon to help if something bad happens, e.g., an extended illness or lost of income.

I think what the author was trying to convey was that life is hard enough without taking on someone with a LOT of baggage. Everyone has baggage and nobody’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes when you’re learning things like money management and whatnot, but if you wind up married to someone who incurs MASSIVE debt, taking care of them and wondering how you got to that point, well, it’s because you didn’t take into account their spending habits. I would hope she isn’t meaning that if you find out someone has debts or doesn’t make 150k or more a year you immediately lose their number after the second date; I’m interpreting her advice to basically be ‘Before you enter into something serious with someone, consider exactly WHAT you are willing to put in, and how far you are willing to take this if the person is irresponsible.’

Anonymous says:

That’s not what she’s saying. She’s saying smart women marry wealthy men. She’s not saying one partner Marrys another partner, just make sure said partner is responsible. She uses the gender difference for a reason. And it’s sad that she views that as a “smart” women.

Anonymous says:

Shallow and soulless way of thinking, though I believe that it is a well justified standard among women. Still unmarried at thirty, all of my latest girlfriends especially, take my gifts and gestures without an ounce of gratitude and with a sense of entitlement. My sister married a sugar daddy so she can have babies and buy cute shoes. My brother had a child with a woman who gave up on her doctorate that she was about to defend because now she has a man to take care of her. So go on women, don’t do your part in a relationship, trade your ass for cash. Know you are property, and deserve to be treated as such because you sold yourself. To those select few women who still have a sense of decency, know that it’s a gift and putting a price on it strips you of your right to call it love.

Anonymous says:

Dudeman, that is really well put. I think your comment will stick with me. That last line is worth repeating:
“To those select women who still have a sense of decency, know that it’s a gift and putting a price on it strips you of your right to call it love.”

I came here looking for POVs to help me sort out my own thoughts. I come from a working class background, and have been dating a multi-generational, mild-mannered trust-fund feller for over a year. We had a lot of fun, and I really loved him, but it became apparent our paths were beginning to diverge. I needed to finish my vigorous education path, and academics are very secondary to him. He was accustomed to a different pace of life that had been passed down to him through many lines. I am accustomed to harder work and academics, since education has been the way for me to climb out of my family’s poverty. Too many things were not clicking anymore. I knew I had to end it and move on, but was really reluctant to do so. I don’t know if I’ll ever date another man with so much land and vacation houses, even. Meanwhile, I’m at a wits end on how I will pay for college, rent, etc. His ease of life was a lot of pressure on me. I am inadequate in the face of it. I’ve never experienced a life like his, which I got to witness up close for over a year. I learned a lot, though – what it takes for families to have something to pass down. Anyway, moving on …
End pathetic ramble.

Anonymous says:

“Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money” No, let me preface this by saying that is just about exactly what you are saying, marry primarily for money. And I allow and believe a woman should not marry a loser that can’t make a living, a life of burden. But that is as much profiteering as is decent, as much as marriage should be treated like incorporating a business. Beyond that it is about marrying your best friend, someone you can work with and would like to chat and eat popcorn with while watching the movie of life go by. Just about all the bitter women I’ve seen fighting over alimony are of this mentality, angry they are being replaced with a better model. The more aged ones go on and on about what jerks are. At best they are roommates, like an arranged marriage.
They little realize they are the authors of their own tepid or even crappy lives.

Anonymous says:

I am not sure how long you have been married and what religion you follow if any, but if there’s one truth in this world is that wealth can disappear in an instant. Sure some people are fortunate in that they are born into wealth or even acquire wealth and live their financial dream throughout their lifetime; but finding that person and gambling on that at the point of saying ‘yes’ is pretty materialistic to me.
For couples who begin out at a low income and work together whether both are in the workplace or one at home; but have that mutual understanding and belief in each other..they are in a far better position to face tough times later in life than you would be missy. I know generations of couples who started out poorly, some even excelled beyond their dreams, some increased their wealth gradually but they have remained happily together and passed that philosophy of ‘finding love with reason and understanding, acceptance’ through to new generations.

Anonymous says:

This Article is a load of cr@p…unless you’re a robot…

Anonymous says:

men who prey on women for sex are disgusting and sadly not enough is sad about women who prey on men for their money….they are disgusting legal prostitues. If laws were altered to disallow divorces to end with the guy paying most of what he earned HIMSELF (tiger and elin–she’s disgusting) then I think women wouldn’t date at all. The number of unmarried women has been increasing year after year and I think it’s because they know guys aren’t as eager to go out and cheat just so they can get their payday. Ultimately, when we all realize that thing between women’s legs isn’t worth the hassle, we can progress like actual human beings.

Anonymous says:

Reading the comments above i married a Prostitute thinking it was love it was not in the end it was money she wanted and when i said stop working she insited she was inependant and wanted to carry on it did not last beyond a year so my exerience is watch aout and LOve is the most important thing,it was cheaper to go and see the ex in work than keep her throwing moey her way all the time,so beware

Anonymous says:

I am all for saving money and that; but how do I convince my girlfriend to stop spending my money on junk like $200 handbags and $100 dinners when we can’t afford it?

she always says that she wants to leave me for a man that can pay for her expensive goods, even though I have a stable job and I save my money (or should I say: TRY to save our money, because my girfriend pushes me into withdrawing money from my savings and spending it on expensive clothes and foods)

Anonymous says:

you should not put yourself through a relationship like this…remember if it’s appearance you are concerned about, there are enough beautiful women out there not obsessed with wealth…Find a woman who appreciates you and even if she had $200 in her old handbag, would not spend that kind of money on a new $200 handbag…

Anonymous says:

There is nothing worse than marrying a dumb woman just for her looks and age. The conversation is brain-numbing you’ll wish you were dead. And they start off seemingly nice and innocent but when they find out what you’re worth, they blow the cash on rubbish and plastic surgery because their looks are all they have to offer. Just too dumb to get it.
Point is, marry an intelligent, moderately attractive woman who you can hold a conversation with and has a life of her own. She will intrigue you and you won’t have to sit around discussing her Prada shoes or other nonsense. Trust me I married one. Am 50 and she is 32 and we have a young child so divorce is not an option. I could but I will have to support her dumb-ass since she has my child, while she runs around with other men. Big big mistake.

Anonymous says:

steve.. your life is sad. so youd prefer an empty life with a shallow woman just because you will have to give her some money? good grief. life is too precious to waste for any amount of money being this miserable. stop choosing characteristics in a woman that usually accompany poor character traits. dont waste your or her life being this unhappy. it is not worth it. If you dislike her so, why would you care that she is running around. you will hopefully find another woman whom you can actually have some kind of great connection with.. stop wasting time. love is a great thing.

Anonymous says:

Dude, Kick that loser chick out the door!!

Anonymous says:

Well I am 22, very sexy, and I make $180-250k. So there! Haha! I win…Bill and Patrick You have forgotten the art of chivalry therefore I would never consider u. Why? Because I have a boyfriend who is intelligent, wealthy, GENEROUS, and Sexy. He is 50 yrs old… Our sex life is great and i am not a mooch, but rather he does things because he wants to and would never “dangle the carrot” as u put it. Yes there is always an exception out there boys! But if u want all the above u must BE all the above! If you are a 5 then why are you too good to date other 5’s? But like most men u refuse to grasp that concept. I see many more failed relationships ahead of u! Oh btw Bill $100-200k does not make u a baller but I bet u find loads of hot high school girls falling for your bs 😉 real women spot that game a mile away sweetie… U hate women with a passion! I strongly suggest underage Asian dating sites for you specifically, Bill

Anonymous says:

It instantly becomes about the Asian women, does it?? No so subtle racism I see.

Anonymous says:

i had a girlfriend like that dude, she was so beautiful. but you know what i told her, she is just a bad worthless product with a good packaging, and i dumb her just like you would do if you find an item worthless. i work so hard to get my money, am not that rich but like you i have a stable job and get fair enough money to live like say a luxury life. however i work hard for it and barely have time to enjoy with the money i make. then why should i spend it on someone who just sits down in the house all day. whats the point in buying $200 handbag, is she worth enough to possess such items. the answer is NO dude, if she wants handbag, ask her to get a job and you can pay part of it and she does the rest that can be done. otherwise, dump her, cause she is with you just for your money. gold diggers simply make me mad, they are after your hard earned money, :@

Anonymous says:

And i would suggest that all men insist upon a pre-nup and marry based on looks and sexual vigor. And just like in the stock market, once there is a drop in “performance” I’d suggest dropping your current holdings and find new assets.

Anonymous says:

Couldn’t agree more. I find it amusing that this women says to marry rich, but forgets that the man with the money is the one in control. First off, if you have money, why ever get married? As we get older, men’s stock rises and women’s falls. Exactly why I bang away and always wear a condom 😉 Hang the carrot in front of a woman and she will always chase it.

Anonymous says:

Exactly Why the only women who will ever chase u, Bill, are those only concerned with money… Stop giving all your money to escorts and Go look for a nice old bat your own age hunny, she may just like u for u!

Anonymous says:

Haha goodluck finding a hot young lady to sign a prenup, Patrick, unless u are 25 and handsome. Yes smart women instinctively go for money it is natural, just as men are supposed to be providers. Oh and one more thing I doubt u know, if your girl signs a prenup and u are unfaithful during the course of your marriage, come divorce, prenup will be void 🙂

Anonymous says:

Only stupid people get financially manipulated By people who lack integrity…which is a big problem in our planet today!!

Anonymous says:

It’s quite telling that the majority of the four-letter words that will reflexively slam your comment are the first ones to defend the author as espousing a perfectly sensible female life-strategy.

“Financial viability is a major component of successful marriage” is just shameless double-talk which really means “men who can’t afford to buy a woman’s happiness can go to hell”.

But as women become increasingly self-centered, materialistic whores, many men are wising up and putting off marriage until later in life. Those already married, more than ever before, are taking judicious steps to secure their assets in the event of a split. If the above article is any true indication of the pulse of the contemporary American female, it is a trend which we can only expect to continue into the future.

The author would do well to consider that men who use wealth to attract or manipulate female companions are typically very superficial and fickle in their affections and loyalties, besides being the quickest to move onto the next “pretty face”, as the poster here has ironically suggested.

Anonymous says:

Go back to whatever nauseous pit in the “manosphere” (God, that term is so stupid) you crawled out of, Mark. The article was written to a heterosexual female audience, but the advice is good for anyone: it’s smart to find a mate who isn’t a financial moron. No, that doesn’t mean pursuing an abusive asshole just because he’s rich, or snubbing someone just because their means are modest. It means considering a significant other–man OR woman–who is capable of planning for their financial future, rather than pissing away every spare dime on beer, handbags, or other crap.

Anonymous says:

Im not religous but the Bible does say for the love of money and lust for material things is the root of all evil.If Hell exists it will be the afterlife home for corrupt Gold diggers

Anonymous says:


Anonymous says:

You seem to be saying that abundance is about more than money, and I completely agree. However, the fact that you’re YELLING through your entire comment suggests that your love will, indeed, find someone who loves her as much or more and treat her better than you likely would.

Anonymous says:

Michael, will you forward me your ex’s contact info? I want to date her. She seems like a really smart hot girl. I want a girl who can earn and who has the ‘balls’ to reject men that don’t. Seriously, please put us together. It will be the sweetest revenge you could seek, and it will make my life better.

Anonymous says:

I’m 29/m. I’ve been contemplating saving up for egg donor IV fertilization through a surrogate mother. If I did I wouldn’t have to worry about a woman divorcing me just to take money and my children. If I were ever to get married I would have to have it signed into a prenuptial agreement that if we were to divorce that I would get sole custody of any offspring we produced.

Anonymous says:

It doesn’t work like that. No women would ever marry you if you threatened to take her kids away. Also, pre-nup or not, they don’t hold up in many Family Courts. You’re asking her to sign over her parental rights – no woman in her right mind would do that.

Grow up or adopt.

Anonymous says:

So, I’m supposed to marry a woman with no assurance that she isn’t going to take my children away in a society in which courts side 99% with the mother and 50% of all marriages end in divorce? I don’t think so. Looks like I’ll be making test tube babies.

Anonymous says:

So you don’t want to marry a woman because she might take your kids away and actually courts favour joint custody unless the father has done something serious) but you’d want the woman you marry to sign over all of her rights?

Yeah… have fun with that logic.

A says:

Don’t be disillusioned by your perceived love for each other. For her to not want to be with you because of your income deserves a quick kick in the ass with a size 12 that lands her on the curb.

Anonymous says:

I realize money is an issue when it comes to the longevity of a relationship. I think most men and women understand this notion. I also believe there are BOTH men and women who lack financial responsibility. What I don’t understand is women feeling entitled to the hard earned money their husbands bring in. An ex-neighbor of mine was married to a wonderful man. Before they bought their dream home loaded with a housekeeper, gardener, full-time nanny and personal yoga instructor, she had a great job making equal to her husband. They decided to have a baby and she thought that was her que to stop working never to return. When their baby turned 2, times started getting tough in the economy. He had always done well, but now they needed more money to keep up their lifestyle. He encouraged her to go back to work, but she refused. Instead, she enjoyed the high-life and boozed all day. She turned angry in her drunken stupor calling him names and more. One day he woke up realizing he would be better off without her. So, he left. She forgot that it does indeed take two to tango. He is now doing very well and she struggles with hate and anger blaming him for her misfortune. If only they had been able to weather the storm, but unfortunately, women like that are entitled. These are the women who give us a bad name. Marry for love and work hard on your relationship, especially during the tough financial times.

Davori says:

Spot on!_

Anonymous says:

As I read these comments, I wonder how many of you really don’t realize that money is an issue when it comes to the longevity of relationship. I don’t think men really understand this. I have met someone who I was attracted to by his personality (not his bank account) that I love a great deal but who has caused me many sleepless night because of is financial immaturity. He has $500 in overdraft charges, has let his car insurance laps and lives only for today. All of this due to lack of financial responsibility. He is not credit worthy and does not pay his bills on time. He would rather go play golf, buy all the accessories that comes with the game then pay his bills. I’ve tried time and time again to talk to him about the problems this is causing in our relationship and he says he understands and will cut his golf time down to twice a month. He lies about what he spends his money on and then expects me to pick up the slack. When I refuse, guess what happens?? We fight and argue. NO! I don’t want to be in my 50’s married and miserable hoping that there will be social security to pay for my stay in the old folks home or rely on my children to take care of me. This person expects me to marry him and right now…there is absoluty NO WAY! So, my advise is not to look so much for a fat bank account but to look for someone who is mature and responsbile financially and who you can rely on that if you lose your job or become ill, they can provide for you/the family and put their selfish desires to the side. It takes two to make a relationship work, which does include financial maturity.

Anonymous says:

The number one mistake women (and men) make is thinking that talent is associated with personality. Very common mistake that everyone makes.

Knowing someone is wealthy or business savvy, or have a great talent in sports, or famous, or having any kind of high status, will not in anyway show what they are like as a person! Definitely and absolutely not!

Doctor who turns out to be a killer, a business exec who embezzels money, a celebrity who is a drug addict, a congressman who is a pedophile, a mayor who solicits call girls. The list goes on, just read the news. Guess what these people have? Money, status and power. Guess what they dont have? Character. Who suffers? Their family and society.

My advice: Choose a persons personality/character over money, talent or status. It does take time to get to know someone, but its worth it.

It is much easier for men to get money and gain status, than for them to be a good person. Rags to riches is not uncommon this days, but change in character from bad to good seldom happens. Being rich and famous, does not automatically change their personality (usually it gets worse).

Smart women marry for character. Dumb women gets fooled by Money, Fame and Power.

Anonymous says:

Devsky, I beg to differ with you. Some of the wealthy people are the most humble individuals I have ever known and some of the poor strugling everyday people are the nastiest everywhere. Chances are the wealthy will most likely say thank you and please. They contribute to the society’s cause and pay taxes that move the economy. On top of that, they employ the vast majority. And no! the idea of rugs to riches is a myth. It is not as easy as often stated. No wonder the top 1% control vast of the economy. Isn’t it ironic that the rich guy gets the cute chic while the poor cute guy without much money has a hard time dating?

Anonymous says:


If you don’t mind… How much do you spend on the accountant each year? I’m just curious because we’ve never had one. It sounds nice to have one, though fortunately we’ve been able to get things under control ourselves.

Actually, I think my husband and I enjoy some of our money talk (so long as we’re making progress, that is, lol). It’s brought us closer together because we’re talking about our common goals and working on problems together.

Anonymous says:

I read the article and it’s a bit unnerving in some ways. I don’t need a busy partner nor do we need to stress over money. That’s what an accountant is for. I have a man who works, is an excellent husband, and over the moon father any woman would die to have. Money has never played a role in it. We realize what we made/make, set goals, and let someone else put us on a budget and manage from there. Namely, an accountant. If you want to eliminate the stress of money in your marriage, consult a professional who will talk about goals, a realistic budget, and strategies to maximize your nest egg. I would much rather have my husband in the Biblical sense in our spare time than worrying about money. Colleges crank out accountants – try one!

Anonymous says:

I think that this article makes some very good points. Just because a woman expects financial stability and responsibility out of her partner, that doesn’t make her a gold digger. It doesn’t mean she is looking to “depend” on a man. Sure, you have some that carry those intentions, but those are not the kind of women this article is talking about.
Men have every right to be just as picky as women, and a lot of them are. It isn’t wrong to look for a partner who is responsible and who plans for the future. You can learn a lot about a person by looking at how they manage their money.
And finally, one must take into consideration childbirth. Women are the ones who get pregnant, not men. And it’s women who were programmed to feed the children, nurture the children, and watch the children (there is a reason that only women lactate), especially in the earliest, most vulnerable stages of the child’s life. Would it be right to expect a woman to have the kids, AND be the one bringing in the majority of the money while she is doing it? In this day and age, (most) men don’t have to go out and risk their lives hunting massive game in order to feed their families.
You also have to understand that financial stability is not the ONLY thing these women are looking for. It’s just one of many standards. I don’t think it’s wrong to be a little picky – it’s only sensible..

Anonymous says:

Tons of successful women have kids and continue working. Households with two incomes always better than one. Sounds like a lame argument for just wanting to be a housewife. You know kids go to school right? There’s these things called daycare and nannies. Idk if you’ve heard. Also your husband can help raise the kids even though he’s not biologically wired. IF YOU WERE A SMART WOMEN YOU WOULDN’T HAVE JUST DEMEENED YOUR GENDER BY SAYING WOMEN BIOLOGICALLY ARE ONLY SUPPOSE TO RAISE CHILDREN AND NOT HAVE A CAREER. Seriously

Anonymous says:

She didn’t demean her gender, and she also didn’t say that. Women are built for having babies. That’s why we have wombs and breasts. Having babies isn’t all we can do.

Some mothers would rather be there for their child as they grow up. There’s nothing wrong wit that. Why would you have a kid simply to palm it off on a Nanny?

Anonymous says:

Everyone wants a wishy-washy “sweep me away and lets forget about reality” relationship. But smart women would keep their feet on the ground and also demand financial maturity from their partner. Especially when money remains the #1 reason for divorce rates that are exceeding 50% in some parts of the U.S.

Fact of the matter is, no marriage can be happy when income is in the bottom decile with 2 kids before your mid 20s, despite long work-weeks at minimum wage.

Anonymous says:

Why would anyone listen to this whore-monger? It’s true that to have a marriage you want someone who is functional enough to provide, but beyond that, this is all we are talking about. Women who follow this advice “PEOPLE ARE INVESTMENT ACCOUNTS” almost always have a bad ending. Psychologists have a word for it, malignant narcissism. Down the road if he’s an unsuspecting fellow and he figures her out and sees no reason to pretend he’s obligated to her further. I’ve seen this realization break up countless marriages. Or she has to put up with some lout and pretend she likes it for years and years and years. Do you think Ivana Trump or Anna Nichole Smith had ideal lives? If he is a jerk he probably knows what’s she’s up to from the get go, he probably wants her anyhow because she accessorizes him well and, when she gets a little long in the tooth, he has a younger replacement ready. And she is getting exactly what’s coming to her. There are scads of these single middle-aged women sitting around resorts and talking about what bastards men are. At the same time trying to sink their hooks into another one.

Marry someone who you are attracted to and love to be around. It’s okay to expect financial integrity, you don’t want to marry some happy-go-lucky financial nightmare, but beyond that people are not things you acquire. No, this advice is not any brave new world, it’s just encouraging gold-digging with a new label.

You’ll notice that the author realizes this on some level too, the trailer-trash seediness of it all, which is why (presumably) she doesn’t state her name. When she says “Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money” she is saying: “women should marry primarily for money,”

Anonymous says:

It seems like you need to re-read the article. She never said to look for a sugar daddy. I think the point you made is the same point the author was trying to make.

Anonymous says:

intresting article,very honest.the media bombard people with lifestye images of famous people with money,and women think why should’t i have that?,but most ordinary men can’t provide it.although women talk about love and romance,ie as long as we have each other,love will find a way,the stark reality is,for all this so called equality,its equality when it suits them.when a women says i love you,shes actually saying i love what you can give me,materially.i think christine agularia,sorry if the spellings wrong,sung,what a girl wants,what a girl needs,whatever makes me happy,sets you free,ah yes,so true,

Anonymous says:

@ Veronica, Reading is fundamental and if you were able to read past the title then you would have seen the disclaimer: “Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage.”

But commenters like you are too often committed to insulting over women because they have different views than you do. I can almost bet that you’re miserable wherever you happen to be in your life. I have enough respect or myself and others not to stoop to your levels. But, it just shows how low you are in your life right now.

Your problem isnt me, and my views because I promise you, my marriage is wonderful and it’s based on the sweetest love, something you can’t relate to. I just happen to have a great package, a man who loves and respects me and is as financially savvy as I am, so yes, God has had mercy on my soul and blessed me with what has been the best thing to happen to me in the last 5 years. I refuse to apologize for that.

Anonymous says:


Women that marry for money are prostitutes, high-paid prostitutes. How can they be smarter than women who have actually worked their asses off their whole lives to be rich by themselves and give living proof to other women that they do not need to live under the hegemony of a man-controlled world? They are only selling their bodies for money, most likely because they have low self-esteem. You’re a whore and an embarrassment to your gender. This is the worst form of rationality I’ve ever seen. May God have mercy on your soul.

Anonymous says:

Who says that women need to choose between looks and money? If a good-looking women has a stupid,good-looking boyfriend, all she has to do is find a wealthy man to marry and then go back to her boyfriend after 5 or 7 years of a sham marriage. This plan sure beats robbing a bank.

Anonymous says:

What about if things are the other way around?

I am a man who looks after his money, but my girlfriend spends money like water.

I own three houses (inherited two and worked for one myself) and I have got money saved away in investments.

I have two jobs, during the day I work as a cleaner and at night I drive Taxis. For cleaning I get paid $15 an hour for cleaning hotel rooms, driving Taxis I get about $120 a night. On Friday and Saturday I can get up to $200 a night. I drive four nights a week.

In an average week I get about $1200. I also get money through renting out one of my houses.

(Please note, I live in Australia. unskilled labour is much higher paid here than the USA.)

I manage to save money because I do not spend very much- I know my city very well so I know where to get free stuff and where to eat for free.

My girlfriend would not marry me simply because I do not have a “good job”, even though I am financially sound.

She said that she does not want to marry a cleaner because it is not a “respectable job”, and her family in Korea would be embarrassed. She does not even want to show me to her parents, she said that I would have to look for a “better job”.

I have a university degree, a Bachelor of Arts in History and Sociology with second class honours, I also did a Graduate Diploma in Humanities, which involved the completion of a research thesis; therefore if I look hard enough I may be able to get a job in the public sector or something.

In all honesty, I was too lazy to look for a more professional job after finishing university; and to be honesty I still am too lazy to look for a better job. But there is no real incentive for me to do so, as I am contented with my income, as my two jobs give me more than enough to do everything I want in life.

Money is all that matters in the end of the day right? I clean toilets and hotel rooms for a living, but I have got cash and assets to live a good life.

Anonymous says:

Well, I am 43, not exactly wealthy, but financially responsible, honest, spendthrift, living on my own, and accustomed to pay my bills on time. When we started dating, she asked me if I was married (no), if I had a girlfriend (no), and if I was faithful (yes). Then, after two weeks, she told me that, being 36 and wanting a family, she needed to get married and procreate soon. So, she told me, she hoped I did not mind if she dated people on the internet. For supposed lack of funds, I got booted for a hypothesis. I am trying to make more money, but I strongly hope I will enjoy it on my own.

Anonymous says:

I read this into the article – if the guy is a financial loser then chances are he is a loser in other significant ways. If he cannot plan, pay bills on time, handle financial responsibilities, then he is not going to be a reliable person in other ways. These guys past age 25 lose their fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants appeal and have a hard time finding partners. I think the relationship of money management and other big life issues is clear. It really isn’t a matter of “not being good with money” – it isn’t about being a financial investment whiz, rather it is about getting with the program in a very basic way. I most definately did not marry for money – but I did marry for love, which included being able to rely on and trust my husband to do the right thing financially with me.

I saw the problems a financially irresponsible relative had in all aspects of life – challenges getting a job, forget about a partner…just kind of floating around hoping to find the pot of gold under the rainbow. It is incredibly sad to see in a nice guy heading into his 40s with…zilch. And I am not talking about money here, I am talking about steady employment and a family and all that boring old stuff, this dude still lives with his parents most of the year. He is a nice person, wouldn’t hurt a fly but come on…

Anonymous says:

Wait…wait… I think we just split a hair! Anyway, great post!

I agree that, as a single male, financial habits are extremely important in chosing a mate. I think discussing finances should be a high priority because any lives that are built without a sure foundation with not survive. This is more important to me than what color the walls should be painted, or what kind of vacation destinations are compatible, because at the end of the day, if you don’t have a strong financial position/skills your just renting anyway.

That’s my .02 cents!

Anonymous says:

Okay, I’m about a million years late to the party, but have to agree. How we spend our money is a clear indication of our values. I was thrilled when I learned that my future husband had scrimped to purchase a house at a very young age. It wasn’t the prospect of marrying into the house I was excited about–it was the proof that our values aligned. I had found someone who also felt that planning for the long term was more important than a fancy lifestyle.

Similarly, he was thrilled to find out that I was maxing out my 401k at the time. He wasn’t excited because of the prospective gravy train (ha!), it just was proof that I wasn’t looking for someone to take care of me financially. I already had it covered.

How a person spends their money is a pretty decent gauge of their core life values, which should be in pretty close alignment for long-term happiness.

Anonymous says:

@ Ginger:

“Anyhoo, just to address concerns about it seeming as though I am promoting ONLY thinking about men in terms of their wallet… that isnt the case and I made that clear, hopefully in the first few sentences. I really wanted to drive home the importance of selecting a mate with a healthy attitude towards personal finance.”

However, all the work you did in the first few sentences was largely undone with your statements about stifling screams during sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon (not to mention several other head scratchers).

However, as I man I read your article and agreed whole-heartedly with it. However, I read it from the reverse point of view and placed women as the ones who must have their financial houses in order if they want any serious attention from me. Any woman I marry must pull her own weight: there will be no Drama Queen Fashionista Princesses in my life, thankyouverymuch. Looking for a Knight in Shining Armor to come sweep you off your feet, pay off all your debts, and set you up in some fancy McMansion with a Mercedes ML350 in the driveway? Keep looking sweetheart.

Maybe I can just find a shriveled up widow that survived her oil tycoon husband, that way I won’t have to worry about it. Hmmm…

Anonymous says:

“I have a big [bank account] and I know how to use it, baby” … it never worked for me then … doubt it would work for me now 😉

Having been both poor and happy with my wife … and rich and happy with my wife, I can safely say that money actually doesn’t matter in a great relationship, but the communication around it does.

Anonymous says:


You are right, this is a controversial article as I figured it would strike a nerve with most of the men reading, after all who wants to be viewed as a meal ticket. However, as Ive said to others you’re reading way tooo deeply into the story. What I meant is what I wrote.

After receiving comments on my own site and emails about the article further discussing it Ive come to the conclusion that its easier for some men to evoke sentiments of love and communication rather than think about the very issues that drives so many divorces today. The divorce rate in this country has skyrocketed in part due to issues around money. Many arent willing to face this realization but love does NOT conquer all.

The point of my article is to encourage women to be savvy about the life partners they choose. Too many of us fall for the same ole love and communication game. Those are a given. I should have stated that. But to say that women should not focus on HOW financially savvy their partners are in favor of ONLY focusing on given characteristics like communication, chemistry etc etc is equivalent to skipping across a major highway in oncoming traffic. You’re bound to get knocked on your face with the reality that you should have looked before crossing. The same applies here: women should be looking at a man in ALL areas, not just chemistry, communication and the like.

No where did I say that men are a meal ticket or that the SIZE of their bank accounts should be taken into consideration. The article simply aimed to discuss HOW these men manage their money. I am happily married to a man who shares the same sentiments and felt the same way when we got together. He wanted a woman who was financially savvy and who wouldnt spend us into the poor house. I also have a husband who is budget conscious and thinks long term when it comes to our financial goals. This was my point. My husband makes great money but that wasn’t the only reason that I chose him as my life partner. His characteristics far outweigh his financially savvy but make no mistake, his level of financial interest and savvy played a HUGE role. I want no part of a man that spends recklessly because I do not plan to be broke and miserable in my old age because by choosing an irresponsible partner, we had to declare bankruptcy twice or foreclose on our home.

No, not this woman.

A financially savvy woman may not be for you because it evokes other negative feelings but it doesn’t negate the fact that women are beginning to take a closer look at HOW their partners manage money. NOT how much money they make.

Anonymous says:

If your a financially smart women why do you need to worry about your husbands finances? Aren’t you smart enough to ensure your own financial stability? Through your own career? Spare me with this argument of its not how much by how he manages it. If a guy makes 70 grand a year but loses on average 20 grand a yr to gambling. Would you suggest then that a smart women marry the McDonald’s manager who makes 30 grand a year and saves his money well and does some small investing? Also rename the title to say: WOMEN WHO EVENTUALLY WANT TO QUIT THEIR CAREER AND LIVE OUT THERE DAYS AS A MOTHER AND OLDFASHIONED HOUSEWIFE WHO CAN BE FULLY DEPENDENT ON THEIR HUSBAND …. Should like for financially saavy well off men. But do it discretely and say u have common interests so not to look like a gold digger. Jesus Christ spare me

Anonymous says:

I’m sorry but that is the dumbest reply ever. When you marry someone, you enter into a partnership that forms ONE entity. If one side is financially responsible while the other one keeps piling on the debt, do you seriously think this won’t affect the other partner? Have you any idea how credit works? Or the fact that if a partner ends up with debt up to their neck and he or she passes away the creditors will come after the other spouse?
In your comment you might as well add that marrying an alcoholic shouldn’t matter as long as you have your drinking under control..

Anonymous says:

This article is little more than an intellectually disinjenuous Victorian era justification for selfaggrandizement. Women shouldn’t marry “solely” for money? Its the whole little bit pregnant thing. And, men that are “motovated by money” are “smarter” than their counterparts that aren’t. Actually men who are driven by money are not only some of the most boring bumps on a log one could ever wish to be subjected to but they usually aren’t around much to share their intellectual narrowness with you. I don’t know, maybe that’s a plus. The smartest people on earth often have the least financially to show for it-scientists, artists, writters, composers, etc. But more troubling than the notion that American women should in 2008 be shopping for a husband is the deceptive nature of her advise. Directness of communication and financial savvyness are laudible qualities for men and women. Openness and honesty are indespensible. But I’d like to see the author put it into practice. If my girlfriend were to intimate the kind of intentions the author promulgates in this article I could not take her seriously and would feel as HD mentions above. Brava HD! Savvyness is great but you have to be able to pull your own donkey, or agree on an arrangement based on who does what best and where each other is, independant from your love or feelings for one another (nearly 1/3 of married men is a SAHD). Love and money don’t mix. Neither is a substitute for the other nor should it be an inducement in any way. I’m sure that financial problems would not plague American relationships as much as they do if financial status were not as exalted as it is. Couples have a mutual duty to be responsible, demonstrate their industry how ever they best do it and to not be a spendthrift. Not to produce wealth or the promise of it. Looking for that suggests looking for love in all the wrong places. Women should be “in control of their financial destinys”. But that’s a far cry from assesing other men’s potential financial destinys as a benchmark for who they will or will not love.

Anonymous says:

Well said, HD! I think that’s exactly what Ginger and I are trying to say!

Anonymous says:

If I were a man, I would not want a partner who views me as a meal ticket. I would respect a partner who considers fiscal responsibility a priority and shares the efforts toward maintaining that in the marriage. I would cherish a partner that is more to me than either a parasite or a business partner – someone who I am compatible with whom I share much more than financial goals. It’s about so much more than money. Who says that you win by acquiring the most toys? But to be clear, I have no issue with the idea of avoiding irresponsible potential partners. Fiscal irresponsibility, just like all other types of irresponsibility, is a fair weeding criteria.

Anonymous says:

So is it fair for a man to not want a women who makes less than him? Part of the weeding out process right? Can u share financial goals if one person is a hair dresser and another a CEO? Cuz what I’m hearing is a women who owns her own business or is a CEO should reject the construction worker because he is not financially saavy.

Anonymous says:

You just don’t get it. It’s not about who makes more. One partner could make 50k but have 150k worth of debt while the other one makes 30k but owes nothing, which in my opinion is better because at least he doesn’t owe every penny he makes! There’s celebrities who get to make in the 100k+ range yet they go bankrupt because they don’t know how to manage their money.
I would definitely marry someone who makes somewhat less that me as long as they prove that they are responsible spenders with some savings in the bank

Anonymous says:

Oops, forgot this was a guest post. the above is not my first comment on CC – just on this post.

Anonymous says:

I agree that smart women marry “for money” and I also agree with Single that smart men should do the same.

I’m working hard, saving, and building a good income–and I am certainly not going to marry a man who doesn’t do the same but happens to have an affinity for Lexus and Niemen’s. And I wouldn’t expect any man to do the same.

(PS, this is my first comment on this site – I’m not the same Meg as above!)

Anonymous says:

“Not to sound sexist ( though this probably will sound that way ), but if men only married women who were financially secure and great with money, there would be a whole lot more single people in the world today.”

I second that! I’m 35, never married. No debts, except for mortgage. Make a pretty good salary that most two earner families live on. Maxed out on 401k. Etc…

For all the women I meet that are looking for “financially secure” men, I can count MAYBE two of them that actually had their own financial house in order. Go figure.

So I’m being “smart”. And staying single.

Anonymous says:

Also, there’s more to “clicking” and “chemistry” than looks. That might work for the first few minutes, but there are many things that can be huge turn-offs, like not leaving a tip when the service was great, or constantly asking for money because they really couldn’t afford the huge t.v. they just bought.

Personally, a great mind and a great heart are bigger turn-ons for me — and they tend to last a lot longer than good looks.

Anonymous says:

Llama Money,

Like Ginger said, good looks and smooth talk is definitely a dime a dozen. I’ve met more than a few of them that turned out to be abusive to their girlfriends/wives. Bottom line, chemistry isn’t everything, either — especially when you’re talking about a lifelong commitment. And while being bad with money might not sound like “abuse”, at some levels it can be — and it can also be an early sign of an abuser.

Of course, there are nice looking guys that are nice and have a financial plan. I’m married to one.

But if I were looking for a partner again…

All else being equal, I’d prefer the guy that knew that credit cards weren’t “free money” and didn’t spend every penny he brought in. And in fact, a guy like that would easily beat out better looking guys that don’t think about their financial future at all.

As for your earlier comment, I do think that society (at least in the U.S.) does expect the guy to be the primary breadwinner and handle the finances. That does seem unfair considering that women can do the job just as well — and often do. Whatever society expects, though, I think women should make sure that they educate themselves about finances.

Anonymous says:

I think Mrs. Micah hit the nail on the head when she said her hubby’s financial character is good. I think that’s what Ginger was trying to say. We can’t all marry someone who is debt-free but I think there’s a big difference in marrying someone who may not make or have much money but manages it wisely vs marrying a spendthrift.

I don’t think both people have to be equally financially savvy but there has to be good financial character and an openness/willingness to learn (or follow).

Anonymous says:

Excellent post. That butterflies in the tummy feeling does not last forever — you also need to have a working partnership in addition to the love to make a marriage last.

Chemistry, lust, physical attraction, etc. are not at all hard to find and definitely shouldn’t be the basis for marriage. Marrying a man (or vice versa if you’re a man) who spends frivolously would make it extremely difficult achieve financial security.

Marrying a poor money manager then hoping that “love” will make it all fall into place is a bit Cinderella-ish.

Anonymous says:

Not at all…you missed this part:

“how their potential partners spend money”

How meaning, are they saving….spending more than they earn…saving for retirement etc etc

Good looks and the smooth talk are superficial and come a dime a dozen. “Clicking” with someone or chemistry is a given.

You’re definitely reading more into the article than what I stated 🙂

Anonymous says:

Did you miss this part of the opening paragraph:

Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage.

Please take the article at face value. I am already assuming that women are already financially stable and savvy and that they seek partners who are like them in this respect. Nothing more nothing less. Please don’t read more into the article than already stated. I think this is where one can get a bit carried away in assumptions.

No where in the article did I state that the man should or would be the breadwinner. I stated that he should have his financial house in order. I suggest nothing more or less than what was stated.

Regarding your last sentence, a lot of us would be better off and would be able to avoid divorce if we considered this aspect of our lives before jumping the broom. Man or woman, your financial house should be in order.

Anonymous says:

Perhaps the title is misleading then? The title suggests that money be the main focus of courtship, while the article tries to get away from that.

Curiosity makes me ask, why, in today’s world, is it still expected that the man be the primary breadwinner / financial expert? Do you suggest that men also only seek women who are financially secure and have their financial future all planned out?

Not to sound sexist ( though this probably will sound that way ), but if men only married women who were financially secure and great with money, there would be a whole lot more single people in the world today.

Anonymous says:

Heh, I read the opening point. But further down you state:
“When smart women meet a partner, they aren’t wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, after all those come a dime a dozen. These women are looking at how their potential partners spend money.”

That sort of points you back in the other direction – money is more important than chemistry and physical attraction. Money matters, but being attracted to, and “clicking with” someone is more important.

Anonymous says:

@ Meg-Agreed. We have had our ups and downs as well and I can say that we have for the most part been very open about finances and the impact that it can have on our relationship.

Communication is a basic aspect of all good marriages and partnership so that wasnt even in question. Moving past all the “givens” and “must haves” in a relationship…where are you financially? How savvy is your partner? Knowledge is just as good as communication. This was never meant to make anyone feel “less than” if their mates don’t have all the characteristics noted in the post but its definitely something to think about.

My husband has made great progress in his attitude towards personal finance but he also taught me a few things along the lines of real estate investing and career. He came into our relationship with large profits after selling his home before the bubble burst. While he was savvy enough around real estate, he didnt know what to do with it. That’s where our personal finance journey started. So yes communication is really key to making sure that this aspect of your relationship works.

Anonymous says:

You’re very welcome, Ginger! It still surprises me how much some people try to read between the lines for something that’s just not there — and miss the point as a result.

I also suspected that there might be a gender split when it comes to attitudes… though it’s hard to tell.

Obviously, I’m a gal. For those that don’t know me and my blog, I’m a young married woman, married now for over 6 years. Our finances are far from perfect, but I look around and realize how fortunate I am to be married to a guy who does have a healthy and admirable work ethic, who does has similar financial goals, who understands the basics, and who isn’t a complete spendthrift. I would hate to be married to a guy that put our future in jeopardy with poor financial planning or obsessive overspending.

That said, we’ve been working more on communication lately so that we can work together to improve our financial situation. No matter who plugs in the numbers, it takes both people working together to make things work.

Again, I highly recommend talking about finances in depth before getting married.

Anonymous says:

Eh. I think what matters more is that he’s willing to be open and communicate with you about it. Not everyone is evenly matched as far as financial interest and savvy. What matters is that the two of you can talk, that he’ll (or she’ll) listen to you, and that if you’re the one who does all the research and such he goes along with it most of the time and that he’ll share reasons and listen to your counterarguments if he disagrees.

I married a man with a lot of student loans. I knew, however, that other than his loans, car payment and small credit card debt (under $900) he didn’t have bad spending habits. His financial character was good.

He says that it’s great I’m interested in financial stuff, so I have financial reigns. I just communicate with him about what I’m doing and why and I try to teach him important things as I learn them.

Financially speaking I don’t know if marrying him was a wise choice (though if we divorce, I’m still debt-free). But in all other ways, he’s an excellent and supportive partner, a great conversationalist, loving, etc. So I think it was definitely the right choice.

I wouldn’t marry a guy who spends wildly and beyond his means just as I wouldn’t marry a guy who drinks a lot. But I don’t think we both have to be on the same financially savvy page as long as we communicate.

Anonymous says:

You were very smart in that the partner had student loans. Student loans are not at all bad loans. It shows that a partner has taken the initiative to invest in himself. What you didn’t tell us is his level of college education. As an investment, education has higher ROI (Return on investment). Maybe you wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t have that level of education in the first place. Maybe you would have thought twice if his debts were as a result of indulgences. Isn’t it ironic that most single female professionals’ dating profiles indicate that their ideal mate should be college educated? What does this imply? With college education comes more earning power and the smarts.

Anonymous says:

Thanks for all the feedback! MY apologies for getting back to all of you so late, Im just getting in the door.

Anyhoo, just to address concerns about it seeming as though I am promoting ONLY thinking about men in terms of their wallet… that isnt the case and I made that clear, hopefully in the first few sentences. I really wanted to drive home the importance of selecting a mate with a healthy attitude towards personal finance.

@ Toby–I think there are a few directions we could go with but that’s my main point. Not to promote women being in their marriage alone as that is another story, not quite the focus I had here in the post. Still, a good point.

@ Ryan, I agree.

@ Llama Money–that excerpt was simply an analogy not to be taken literally. However, there are salient points to be taken from that excerpt which I certainly agree with it only because at times it is like a partnership that you have to keep fostering to make sure that it works out. that’s my take on it. I didn’t mean it to be literal.

@ Meg- THANK YOU!!!! LOL!! This is exactly the point I was trying to convey. I in no way wanted to imply anything else than what was written here. This has nothing to do with DINKS-SAHMs or SAHDs. Just that a woman should be looking into HOW a man manages money and not HOW MUCH money he has… Adfect, I hope that clears it up for you.

What I also find interesting…. of those that have posted that I can tell from the names and writing style…that are women, they agree with the basic point and sentiment of the post. The men who have responded seem to disagree and quite frankly resist the idea of a woman looking at them in this manner. Moreso I guess what it can infer…. a woman possibly coming into the relationship with some financial savvy about her. Is that an issue? Is is threatening?. Just something to think about.

Anonymous says:

Thanks for the mention! I know men understand rate chasing as well 🙂

Anonymous says:


I don’t understand what this has to do with DINKS… Maybe I missed something, but I didn’t read anything in this post that said that the goal was DINKS, just as she didn’t say that women should be SAHMs or guys should be SAHDs. The point, as I read it, was that women should at least consider a guy’s money skills as part of the package.

While people can certainly balance each other out, there are limits. In the end, if they don’t have complementary goals, there’s going to be trouble. And if either of them isn’t wise about their money, there’s going to be trouble. I’ve seen it happen time and time again: one person is a big spender, the other watches in horror as their hard-earned money disappears into debt. They don’t balance each other — one sucks the other dry! And yes, in some cases, one person is far too miserly and makes the other person miserable. That doesn’t work any better.

Bottom line, I don’t think anyone should get married before at least knowing where their partner stands when it comes to finances, and considering how that will work with their own ideas about money. (Not that it can’t work out if they disagree, but compromises may be necessary.)

Anonymous says:

I’m with this post up to a point. The Dual Income No Kids lifestyle has its allure…

However, I can predict how hollow that existence will be 15,20,30 years down the line. I aspire to be wealthy and I now that my wife likes that aspect of my personality, but it is a small part of who I am. If that was what she was worried about first, and the rest later, I don’t know if I’d be happy with that.

There is such a thing as two people who are opposites balancing each other out. If I were single I’d save 40% of my income, but because I have her in my life she brings be back to reality and we strive (but rarely hit) the 20% savings mark.

I guess my point is that all types of relationships can work, and wealth can be created even when one spouse is not actively involved in the process. As others have commented, communication is important, and I would add that so is balance in the relationship and in the individuals involved.

Anonymous says:

Great post!

First off, to the other readers, I don’t think she ever so much as implied that money is the most important factor when dating. Maybe you can’t choose who you fall in love with, but love alone isn’t enough — I’ve known lots of women in bad relationships who love their partners, but that doesn’t mean that they should stay with them.

Nor did she say that women should worry about the guy’s money skills but neglect their own. There is plenty of info on that topic elsewhere.

Nor do I take her article to say that you should only look for rich guys. There are many rich people who have awful money skills and blow it all, while there are plenty of poor people who do remarkably well with what they have.

Nor is someone type-A just because they work hard and take care of their money.

So, yes, I definitely agree that you should consider how a man treats money. Is it the most important factor? No — but it can be